The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hugs. I personally cant wait till you're in your own space, I remember once you wrote you like your home to be an expression of who you are. I can relate to wanting acknowledgement of hurt from the hurter. We are but human. Hope you get some rest, moving is exhausting. Xxoo
I second the (((hugs)))!! My hope is once this chapter is complete, the next chapter is new, exciting, bright and peaceful.
Know that we are here for you - positive thoughts and prayers from my world to yours!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks edna and iamhere I know better than to engage him. The answers he gives for leaving the marriage Are generally laughable or at minimum not divorceable.
Its almost like he has to think up things. He once Told me it was no one particular thing just a bunch Of little things.
I do struggle this is not the man i knew and loved. He was against all that he is doing. He was once an Honorable and good man and husband. There was That A edge just under the surface.
I know life Changes and i need to move on and let It go. Its not healthy or good for me to even think About him.
Let God deal with him it is not my business Anymore. Thanks for your support and understanding. I know i Need to find some peace and serenity.
-- Edited by Mirandac on Monday 15th of June 2015 10:02:30 PM
Just give yourself time and this too shall pass. You do not have to "kill yourself" to make someone else happy (metaphorically, of course).
Unless you have an order from the court or a legal agreement, you can simply notify him of a need for an additional few days/weeks that you need to complete your tasks. No explanation is needed....
Sometimes cleaning out things takes longer than we think and, unless he would prefer to do the work for you or hire movers, then he scan simply live with it.
Of course, he won't be happy, but you could relax a little and it isn't about him anyway.
If your have a court order or legal agreement, you will have to approach it a little differently, of course. Depending on your situation, you could certainly consult your divorce attorney, if you need legal advice to deal with the additional time needed for moving. They are great resources, of course.
Please takeit slowly and don't throw away things you may need later. It can be hard to see, but sometimes a friend can help by just being there and making some small suggestions on items to keep, donate, toss (since they are less emotionally involved). Perhaps asking for a little help would be a good idea I this situation. Even church members or friends from alanon can be a resource.
I know you will do whatever is necessary and will do it with the dignity, honor, and pride in yourself that you have shown here. You are doing so well...just a little longer....
{{HUGS}} to you Mirandac. Yeah, I would keep any communication with XAH very simple, unfortunately there would be no good purpose in engaging with him at this time, for obvious reasons.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Here's hoping that today brings you more peace than yesterday (or the many days before).
It is 100% understandable that there are many emotions involved in your current state - you are moving forward and trying to not look back. It's hard to do this when it is what we've known, but know when you are able to leave the past behind, you will find a new sense of personal power and freedom.
Positive thoughts and prayers continue for you from my part of the world!
(((Hugs))) for you as well!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all for your support. I had a restful night so that
Is a good start to the day. My big stuff is already at the
Apartment. I wanted a new start And will collect and or
borrow things. I am taking the basics so i do not need to
Go out and buy from scratch.
What junk and dust i gathered its humiliating. I see why
its a good alanon practice to keep yourself and life uncluttered
With junk or stuff. I hate to throw i might need that someday
Then it becomes junk because its been around so long.
I am still way too emotional and to have to go thru all of our
married life together. Its heartbreaking and hurtful, my soul cries
out from The inner Pain and torment. I will get thru it and be
Stronger for it.
I pray for internal peace and that i do not engage the unaccountable
or unrepentant xah.
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thanks skorpi i am trying to gather my strength
To start my day. Its hard when you have no
reserve left. My emotional tank is totally empty
But i know what i must do and not run but face
My problems head on as i have been doing.
Some of it i think is depression and just running
In survival mode. I can do the basics but not much
Else. That is not how i am wired so its tough to accept
That i can get so beat down emotionally.
I can see where denial is such a useful tool it keeps
All this pain away till you can or are strong enough to
Process it with Gods help.
So glad you had a restful night of sleep. That certainly is a gift for me when I am facing life challenges that seem to big to handle.
I'm still sending you positive thoughts and (((hugs))). Just keep HP with you and know we're here and I am sure you can and will get through to the other side.
I am a professed pack-rat, so you can just imagine my level of 'crap' in my home. I've been trying to prepare for a down-size and it's a process for sure. I struggle to do it as each item I pick up stirs a memory for me - some good & some not so good.
Hang in there and keep us posted!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I've gone the "no personal communication" route in my divorce as well. Actually--no communication anymore, period. The days are tough but feel free to share whenever you need. People here are listening!
Thanks mark. I just need to get away from someone
Who does not care how much he hurts me. That is a
very Bitter pill to swallow. I know he is sick and he is
Not facing himself. He is getting into relationships
Instead of doing the needed inside work. That is his
Journey nothing i say or do makes one bit of difference.
We kept having the same old fights and could not see
Or understand the other side even with both of us in
Recovery. He had long ago checked out i wish i had taken
The hint. I would have been a lot younger then but i am
Bucking up and moving forward to a much healthier
And Happier life without him bringing me down with
His emotional problems.
