The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just spilled a whole cup of coffee. Went all over. On the rug. On the table. My knee-jerk reaction was to shout a few choice words and angrily get up and start the cleaning process, and refill the kettle and slam it down on the stove because now I have to make more coffee and I have to clean the rug and what do you expect? because my life is S#%& and blah blah blah better get out of my F#$%^# way if you know what's good for you! and be genuinely PISSED for however long it took to remind myself that everything sucks.
BUT! I nipped it in the bud. It started up for about 5 actual seconds before my "new and better way" frame of mind kicked in without me having to do much of anything to find it.
So, now I get to take a break from work. I get fresh coffee. I get to exercise a few of my new found tools.
I'm lucky that it had been sitting there for a while and wasn't scalding hot. I'm grateful that all I have to do is heat up some more water and that I have an almost full bag of whole bean starbucks ready to go. I'm lucky that it didn't spill on my computer, or the dog. I'm grateful that I thought ahead when I bought this coffee table because it has a raised lip all the way around it and I bought it when the kids were little and I knew things would be spilled regularly. Most of the spill stayed on the table. I'm glad that I don't care about this old rug.
But most of all I'm thankful to all you guys that you have played a role in making this kinder, gentler attitude an option in my life.
AlmostThere, so glad you are in a good mental frame of mind despite the coffee spill!! It is amazing how these Al-anon tools work from just about any situation in life.
Hope that the rest of your day is sparkling! {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
You know, my parents always said that you don't praise a child for doing what they are supposed to do in the first place - chores, good grades, good manners etc. yet they could never figure out why I was lazy, stupid and rude.
I love this board, for many reasons, but one of them is that I can come here and get a little bit of kudos for not acting like a complete A-H$&% - which is, of course, what I'm supposed to do in the first place!!
It always amazes me when the program 'works us'......when I first arrived, folks told me that if I worked with the tools, steps, slogans, etc. there would be times that the program would work 'me' instead of me working 'it'.
I believe you have arrived!
Make it a great day...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It didn't take you long to turn your perspective from the negatives to the positives eh? Good for you. Favorite newer phrases in my life - You can't unspill the milk; you can't unbreak a glass. If Rodney was still around he'd say "how important is it?" The other day I had a perfect cup of coffee - perfectly MY way and a big house fly nose-dived into it and yeah, I swore a big bad word, then I was happy that I had SEEN the nosedive, not just found the fly wiggling around in my..... ugh! So many little things happen to try to throw us off, gum up the works and sometimes, heck, a lot of times, the best that we can do is to turn it into lemonade. I like a phrase from a country song - May you find (HP's) grace in every mistake. Look at what spilling your coffee has taught you!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
God I'm grateful I have learned from the fellowship also. I remember applauding myself when I had a great act out and then saying "There I got myself good that time!!" Guess what I'll never be perfect and I love he progress and the examples of this family that I can practice. Mahalo (((((hugs)))))
I definitely need the reminder to be grateful......feeling overwhelmed and guilty alot of the time. I am having difficulty getting pas seeing the cruelty in this world. My youngest son is a very angry young man and I feel responsible because I wan't there when he was growing up........I love him but its very hard alot of the time to like him. I just want the world and everyone in it to leave me alone. I have no energy and am sleeping 10-12 hours a day. I am grateful for my job even though it is currently a huge source of stress. I am grateful for my grandchildren. I am grateful that i am no longer dependent on anyone else to take care of me. I don't know if I am haing a battle with depression or just "normal" reaction to alot of stress. Feels better to know I've taken a positive step and started Alanon again.
Glad you are here and glad you are returning to Alanon.
Feel free to step back over to the meeting - it's in progress now...just started a little late!
Keep coming back and it will get better!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You are quire an inpsiration to me because I was fairly new here when you first started posting. You have grown so much during such a short period of time. It's like a whole different person.😊
Anyway, I just wanted to say hello, to say good job, and to wish you continued success. You have made an impact that you may not even realize because of the changes you have made and I am very glad you joined MIP so I could read your posts. They have helped me by giving hope. We are strangely more alike than you may realize because my knee jerk reactions are the same and my sarcasm and negativity have been controlling me, but I too am doing my best to overcome my issues and, like you, the changes I have made are indeed having an impact on those around me.
(By the way, I love to write too....I've only had a very few small things published or printed, because I write for me. It's been a long time, but I think I'm going to start again. My mother has been pushing me to do another short book for years, but I've been preoccupied with alcoholism and just didn't want to sit down and face it). The iPad I use here LOVES to change my words for me though, so I probably don't seem like too bright of an individual when I post...lol.
I do believe writing is cathartic for me, so perhaps it will be a good time to start (as soon as vacation is over and I catch up on a few paperwork issues I need to handle).
Great job on changing your responses and stopping to think instead of just reacting. Doesn't it feel good to decide how to react instead of just reacting? I know it does for me!
One of the beauties of learning to change your reaction asap is that a bad moment doesn't have to ruin hours!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Doingmybest - Thank you so much!! It makes me so happy that you've found some inspiration in my ramblings! I love to write, but I have to be inspired. Just wrote a poem for my daughter's graduation that took quite a bit out of me. I hope you find some inspiration to start writing again. It helps me work through issues better than just about anything, but it takes me forever because I'm picky. It's very rewarding and extremely cathartic for me. I have to write in story form though; it's the only style I'm good at, or maybe just the one I enjoy the most. Maybe you should write about your vacation, which, by the way, I hope is going well! Keep your tools sharp!
Thank you almostthere! I appreciate the encouragement.
I enjoy writing biographical things. I did one after l had my daughter to detail infertility and loss (4 babies) and it was a wonderful healing experience for me (and a lot of others it turned out)...that felt really good. I also did a short book on my grandmother's life (as her 90th birthday present). It was exceptionally well received and really gave you a feeling that she was with you in every word. When she died at 92, I had no idea the pastor was going to use a great portion of my book as her eulogy. I was stunned and touched and I still don't know how he came across a copy, but I loved her very much and was glad I could offer insight into her life. She was quite a lady. Sadly, I did add a page or two after her death, but I never changed anything else.
Inspiration has to hit...and hit hard before I make it a go, but I do feel it coming on again and I look forward to the challenge again!
It takes one seriously amazing person to do a poem...I am terrible at those......lol. It's nice to "meet" someone with the gift!
A lot of this program is self-paced cognitive behavioral therapy. You just described cognitive reframing to a T. (In cognitive behavioral therapy terms).
In program terms I would say it is the tool of "Starting your day over at any time."...also "Easy does it" and several other slogans/tools I could think of.
In the end, an attitude of gratitude is what makes us more resilient people and able to handle various challenges. If we walk around perceiving that we are getting crapped on constantly, we will lack that ability to make needed changes and adapt when we have to because we will just feel beaten down and helpless. Turning your attitude around is an incredible tool. I was afraid if I did that, I would become all "Pollyanna" and what not, but that isn't what happened.
Nowadays, even if my life did suck - I would be able to say "This situation sucks right now, but it's temporary and these are the steps I will take to make it better." I can admit when something sucks without it becoming my whole life and existence being permanently sucky.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 17th of June 2015 06:59:01 AM
Great Share almost there Great recovery 