The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Still Feeling a Bit Battered from Yesterday, but I have decided to Pull up the Big Girl Pants and Accessorize... So Today I have On My Ring that says (ALL things are Possible thru He who Strengthens Me), My "How Important is It?" Bracelet... and My "Hope, Faith, & Love" Necklace... and I have Now Entered the "Fake it till ya Make it" Roll... So Body Armor ON... Going with the Flow...
Its Helping but Hasn't Conquered all just Yet...
What I have Learned "AGAIN" From Yesterday
I SUCK at Leaving Expectations Out, Unless I Got thru out My Day saying... "If I Expect Nothing I Wont be Let Down!" But I have to Repeat it MANY Times a Day to Live it.. :/ Also, I Allow these Peeps to Live Rent Free In My Head ALL the time, and Brother Jerry I Truly Believe you are Correct... I EXPECT Others to Have "Morals and Care" as I Do, and Welp... That is Just Not a Viable Thought Process when all those around me are Unrecovered A's to Some Degrees...
Changed Attitude Aids Recovery... I'm Doing My Best to Live In "This" Moment at this Place... I Can't Change Not ONE of the Peeps in My Grams Life.. Not ONE... So I Am Going to have to Accept that they are who they are... Or as Another Program Friend would say... "People are Just Peoplie"
And in Realizing all these things Before I Found Al-Anon and Was Doing my Best to DEAL with My AFather Before his Death.. Guess what I Did EVERYTIME before I Went to His Home.. Repeated "If I Expect Nothing I Wont be Let Down" Yep... Every Visit had to Sound Like this if I was Goin to Stay Sane in the Moment with him... So I'm Thinking In My Past Life I Needed Al-Anon Too.... :D lol
I have Really Been Missing him Lately for What Ever Reason... But When I Do I Tend to be More Sensitive to things around me, and My Feelings Tend to get Bruised Easier because I'm Emotionally Unavailable... Maybe its Fathers Day Sneaking up on Me, that is Always Such a Hard Day, because I was the Only Kid that Ever Spent that Day WITH him of his 5 Kids, and I Didn't Realize How Important it was Till I Didn't have him Here to Do it ... So Now I Treat Me to His Favorite.. (Chinese Food) In his Honor on that Day, but It Still Isn't the Same... but it helps
I Ended My Day Yesterday with HALT... Am I" Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired" I Always Try to Skip that First One because I am a Stress Eater... So If Its available and I'm Any of these things, I'm Eating... But Found I Had skipped a Meal yesterday (With out even Realizing it) So there was #1 X...
Angry was Very Apparent... I Get So Frustrated with things & People I Can't Control, And Usually When that Happens its because of those Dang Unrealistic Expectations So... #2 X....
Lonely... Welp, YEP I Feel Many times Over when it Comes to Gram I Am Very Alone... No One Even Gives her the Time of Day, Every Year a Week before Her Birthday I Send Out REMINDERS..(No Control Issues Here). to All My Cousins Including Grams Own Children.... That Her Birthday is Coming and it would be Nice if You Could Just Call or Send a Card or ANYTHING... Last year Out of About 30 of them she Got 5 Cards.. But at Least those 5 Brought Her Joy :) This Year I Promised Her a Trip to the Local Casino.. She Doesn't get to Go Ever, So She is Very Excited, and I have Already Explained there will be a Price Cap... Even if You are turning 91...lol So Yea... #3 X.....
and Last but Not Least TIRED... Well Because of the Night before being a Tough one with her I Didn't Take on Much Sleep, Lots of Tossing and Turning and Praying my Head would Just Shut Up!!! So I was Def. Tired Yesterday, and Gifted Myself a Very Brief Power Nap (30mins) after Dinner...#4 X.....
PS.. Loved the Idea Of a Bubble Bath However, Only have a Stand up Shower :/
So The Cure... I Needed to HALT... I Needed to PUSH.. "Pray Until Something Happens" and When I Woke up this Morning, A Wee bit More Rested, PUSH is What I have Done... I'm Not Swimming, However, But I'm Floating, So that is A Plus... I'm Still Working thru the Sting, but it Does feel better when I Get Out Of the Way, and Allow HP to Guide... So this Weekend, I Believe I will be Unavailable For Everyone But ME & HP... But Of Course I will Have to see what HP has In mind... :)
So thank you ALL for Walking this with Me... Your ESH, Love & Guidance See Me thru More Days then You Know...
Perspective is such an amazing thing. While you see someone who is struggling and in part maybe even dropping the ball here and there, I see someone who is: Self-aware Proactive Caring Determined Positive Hopeful Faithful Clever Intuitive Mindful Introspective Helpful Thoughtful Considerate Kind Forward Moving Impressive and the list goes on.
Congratulations to you! A little self-actualization goes a long way. You're most definitely on a journey, you just tripped for a moment and started thinking there was a destination!
I think I'm that guy you just passed who was doubled over on a bench trying to catch his breath.
Oh, I left out Inspirational!
I'm feeling better now. THANKS!!!!
-- Edited by almostThere on Thursday 11th of June 2015 01:43:07 PM
Love the follow-up - thank you so much for the update.....now you're making me wanna go find me some Alanon bling!!! Hummmmm......I feel a conference in my future!
Your ESH here is lovely. What came to my mind as I read your update was 'Progress....not Perfection'.
Well - another suggestion since you don't have a bath to 'bubble in' - get some new 'bath/shower gel'.....
Before the program, I used 'whatever' was in the shower - even if it was Irish Spring.....
Now I spoil myself with more feminine shower products, and I do believe in the whole sensory movement. I love the smell of a good shower/bath gel and it gives me some peace and almost instant joy! I was a rock-n-roller my whole life, but have converted to K-Luv or K-LOVE - uplifting, positive (usually Christian) music - same result. I purchased some nice sheets last time I needed them, and they are super soft (higher thread count than ever before)....you get my point!
Lastly - back to my nose, I love a candle burning now. The light from the flame with a good smell in the room for some reason gives me peace!
Huge (((hugs))) to you for circling back with your update. I am inspired by your service to your G-Ma and know in my heart that she appreciates it...
Make it a great evening!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
