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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A sobering performance
Post Info TOPIC: A sobering performance
almostThere


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A sobering performance
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Odd. MisMeliss posts a youtube video and I came on to do just the same thing! Must be music day.

I have a wide range of musical interests, but I'm sure the heavy end of my taste runs afoul of most on this board. I'm going to post this anyway. I'm ALWAYS the DJ at the party (or used to be). We have a thumpin' sound system in my house, a 9' pool table and a nice regulation dart lane. It used to be a fun place until I realized that for some people the party never stops. Now the pool table is used to sort laundry and the dart board is faded and mildewed. The darts are long gone.

I used to play dance music in the early part of the evening. I had it all and I could keep the place undulating like a raging sea. As the night progressed, I'd transition to rock, and get progressively more intense as the hours passed. The dancing would be wearing off by then and the pool tournament would be getting competitive and intense also. Man it was fun.

When I began to understand that my A was an A, but before I knew what-all that entailed, I would blast this song towards the end of the evening. My AW LOVES the song, and I always hoped that some sort of dawn of realization would overcome her and she'd come to understand the meaning of it - that it's a projectile confession of an alcoholic exposing the true nature of the disease - a portrait of the way I saw her.

But no. Not the faintest inkling of a glimmer of a shred of introspection did I ever see.  Denial for her is the immovable object, but thanks to Al-Anon, I am no longer the unstoppable force.

* NOTE - The reason I find this relevant and interesting is because for me, it's also a portrait of what I eventually became.  The mirror image of my alcoholic - making every attempt to capture and return the insanity grenades that were being hurled at me constantly before they blew up in my face.  Then manufacturing my own because the best defense is a strong offense - right?  No?

Maynard Keenan - the vocalist - said that it takes about 2 hours for him to get into character to do a show.

For 99.9% of you this will not be your cup of tea, but it is, none-the-less, a gripping and stunning performance.  

"Sober" ~ Tool  (warning: explicit)

There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every step I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path is must we
just because the son has come.

[sic], won't you [sic] whistle
something but the past and done? (x2)

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever?
I just want to start things over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but the past and done. (x2)

Why can't we not be sober?
I Just want to start this over.
Why can't we sleep forever?
I Just want to start things over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave.

Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust Me.

Why can't we not be sober?
I Just want to start things over.
Why can't we sleep forever?
I Just want to start this over.

I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.
I want what I want.



-- Edited by almostThere on Thursday 11th of June 2015 01:09:40 PM

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Jerry F


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Sounds like he was/is ready to surrender to a program of recovery?  Has he ever?  Has to change that pronoun we to I don't you think?   Interesting Almost There.   wink



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almostThere


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Actually, no, he's a brilliant and extremely talented visual and musical artist.

So good in fact that some find it difficult to separate the artist from the art.

He's highly educated, highly successful and philanthropic. Extremely articulate.

Here's his Wiki

EDIT:

Actually, come to think of it, you may be right.  In the interviews I've seen with him he stated that he owns a vineyard.  He also stated that he doesn't do drugs, but I don't remember if he said anything about drinking.  In interviews, he's shockingly normal and very sharp.  He clearly knows the disease inside and out from that portrayal.  I got the impression that it's probably from the Al-Anon side rather than the AA side, but who knows?  I also got the impression that he uses art as therapy.  I think I'll watch the interviews again.  But if you mean to say that he's under the influence of anything in that performance, I would say definitely not.  He's an artist and an actor.



-- Edited by almostThere on Thursday 11th of June 2015 01:58:01 PM

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likemyheart


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I love a good strong emotional ballad done well by a good heavy metal band (and ya wouldn't know it to look at me!) - thanks for the words too!

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
karma13


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I'm in the small percentage that *love* this song. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of it again.

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almostThere


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karma13
I never did drink very much, but I did like to party sober. This song, at the end of a night, blasting through a righteous sound system while a bunch of idiots who thought they were pool sharks were squared off in some intense games...man, those were some good times. If I was winning that night, I'd cue up Sober and Schism, and Hey Man Nice Shot by Filter, and Space Lord by Monster Magnet, and Metallica - Enter Sandman, Points of Authority by Linkin Park and anything by Rage Against the Machine ~ Music is my drug. No one cold beat me with that stuff going.

likemyheart
glad you felt it. It's an intense portrayal.

I mean, c'mon :

"I am just a worthless liar.
 I am just an imbecile.
 I will only complicate you.
 Trust in me and fall as well.
 I will find a center in you.
 I will chew it up and leave,
 I will work to elevate you
 just enough to bring you down."

I remember when it broke through to me.  Intense times.  
When I realized that both she and I were spending most of our time interacting with a disease and not each other, and the disease was speaking directly to me through these giant subwoofers - the pronoun "I" was my wife, then it was the disease, then it was me, then it simply was all of us at once.  It was like something out of Poltergeist.  

This song played a key role in me coming to an understanding of what I was dealing with.  I shudder.



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hotrod


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The words are indeed powerful and so very true

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missmeliss


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One of my very favouritest artists.
His version of Rocket Man does it for me.


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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
likemyheart


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Hmm, reading these words again I can see how one could be talking about alcohol being the worthless liar that will only complicate things, chew you up and make you feel up before crashing you back down!

"I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down."

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Iamhere


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I did not listen to the song, but view the lyrics as directed at the alcohol or the disease...

All of them to me point at the disease - even the I want what I want at the end.

If I have to insert a person, I don't like the song at all - LOLOL.

If I insert the disease, then the lyrics make perfect sense to me and they are so, so true!

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almostThere


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Iamhere -

Most definitely! It's the personification of the disease.
As the disease takes over, I didn't recognize it because my A is the host, so to me, it wasn't the disease, it was the person.
Then it latched on to me.
Then I latched on to al-anon.

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missmeliss


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I think the fact that the 2nd A Perfect Circle album is titled "The 13th step" leaves little to wonder about. He's a 12 stepper for sure.
This is the one that grabs me by the lowest parts.
www.youtube.com/watch



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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
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