I just felt my insides tighten up reading this. Wow! I'm not an expert or really good at setting up boundaries, but I think there needs to be in this case. Before they stay at your house, can you talk to your husband on a united front and make an action plan you can stick with- both of you. Then after that is hashed out, together go to these daughters and say you are welcome to stay, however these are the perimeters that need to be followed. If it is a problem, give them a list of local hotels they can stay. They sound manipulative- particularly the one who stole your credit card with the two teenagers. So if they start the whole song and dance, ignore what they are saying and stick to the facts. Be a broken record: you can think what you want but in this house you may not _______. ask your husband to support in this. You will need him. And get a safe deposit box or similar so that that daughter doesn't further take advantage of you. Hugs and peace to you! I know it's hard to stand up to people like this. I hope this helps.

(((glad))) -

Your discussion/writings could very well describe my dynFUNctional family.....I am sure others would agree!

Before recovery of any kind, I never felt I fit in...I can't fully explain why (other than my own fears, anxiety, issues) but I just felt at times on the outside looking in. I envied those who were able to flow about the family, talk kindly to everyone, hug freely, etc. That was not me!!

After I began recovery, I felt even more on the outside. But, for the first time, I truly watched, listened and learned. I have a reasonably large family and to my surprise, almost all (children excluded) belong in a recovery program. I'll not go into details, but we've got it all - addiction, ACOA, Alanon, and more....

What I truly discovered is that it is OK that I don't fit in. I am not better than or worse than, but I am different than most of them. Through recovery, I've learned to stay on my side of the street, which doesn't happen in my family. I also choose to not gossip or judge, which is also very common in my family. My family is Irish Catholic, so most indulge in adult beverages - some of the youth even do so - with their parents blessing.

We have a thief or two also as well as those who travel with 'swingers' and 'large pets' and ... I could go on and on and on.

So - I have lovingly set boundaries which include: No alcohol, No Pets (unless pre-approved), No thieves (they can stay at another home), Midnight Curfew and No Smoking.

My boundaries are such that most of my family chooses to stay with another (and I am grateful), which is fine for me. My mother has emphysema so the pets & smoking are more for her protection than the protection of my home...I love my pets, not necessarily everyone else's...

So - establish your boundaries as best you can, communicate them as lovingly as you can and then try to enjoy yourself. When I am having folks come/stay, I tend to stress a bit wanting everything 'perfect'. Slowly I am learning that it's not about me nor the state of my home, but rather about the event which is bringing us all together.

I also tend to make gratitude lists more frequently when I am going to see my family. It grounds me in the simple pleasures of my life which bring me the most joy!!

Trust your HP - this will all be OK! And - families are complicated....I've not met a single person in recovery that has a perfect family and it took me a long while to realize they don't exist...