The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for today, June 11 speaks about Step Nine. This Step asks that we; "make direct amends to those we have harmed" . These are the people that we identified in Step Eight. The reading suggests that if we have worked Step Eight, and become truly willing to make amends, HP will present the opportunities for us to do so as HP does not put any challenge before me that I am unable to face.
The quote is from John Burroughs; "The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are."
When I began working the Steps , this one appeared to be the hardest.
I did find out that HP does not give me more than I can handle so that after spending a year, making amends to myself, by attending meetings, using the slogans and the tools, I found it less daunting to own my part in situations.
In this process I had also learned how to be honest, open, willing, kind and, compassionate and was given the ability to say what I mean me what I say without saying it mean.
My sponsor pointed out that making amends did not mean saying:" I'm sorry ". I can do that with my eyes closed.
The amend can simply be an honest communication,owning my part in the disagreement, changing my attitude toward the person and placing principles
Thank you Betty! I learned here that amends meant change. That I honestly was going to work toward change. Action and not just words. I also learned that an apology with no intention of change was a selfish act. The root cause of my diesase- selfishness and self- centeredness. How many times I did that prior to entering The Program.
Thanks Betty...I love this program too:) In making a amends to myself I'm doing my best to enjoy the rest of my life and be gentle with myself when I slip back to old thinking or behaviors. I learned in being gentle with myself, I'm able to get back on track quicker. I have made a lot more living amends than verbal. Changes in behavior. Some people that I needed to make a amend to I did so by giving them space and staying out of their way. It was simply too painful for them to get around me. With my mom I'm being a lot more tolerant and understanding. I love the way the program teaches tolerance. There are so many different personalities in alanon, what s wonderful way to learn acceptance, patience and tolerance. Thank you again for your service Betty
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
Thanks Betty. I haven't tackled step 8 yet because I'm still at the "Well, that's everybody, isn't it?" phase. But, you replied to me regarding this topic a while back and I feel as though I've been starting this step the whole time by changing much of the way I act towards and react to my A which has affected the way I interact with most everyone. Long way to go, but with your guidance, it's not as daunting as I always imagined it. Sometimes I translate it to "Just be real and don't be a jerk". But I'm a novice, and often I'm still the abbreviated version - "just a real jerk". However, self-awareness is knocking like an overdue bill collector and I'm trying to make payments.
Thanks everyone for your inspiring shares.Mike B, I agree actions not words are the key to this step, and as, karma, has stated, living amends are very powerful and I too have made many such amends.
Almost there I like the idea of self awareness knocking like an overdue bill collector :)
Great shares
I am all about the living amends - esp. with my parents and those in my family that watched me get crazy without having insight into the exact 'why' of it all. It is actually very gratifying to be of service to my parents who are not getting any younger.
Bless you and this program - do not know where I would be without it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
