The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have posted quite a bit and I have always tried to focus on positive things,but this has been a very heartbreaking journey for me and I have cried and struggled through it.I can tell that I am finally coming out of this darkness that I have been in.I am able to experience a much broader range of emotions now.I was completely taken by this man,I have never before experienced such a strong connection with another human being, and yes,I have grieved that.There was a lot of pain, drama, and chaos,but there was something else, I don't know if I will ever be able to explain it.Yes, there was a wonderful, unique human being that God made and put here and I still love him,but I had to remove myself from the situation.It has to be the most intensely painful thing ,to love someone who is bent on destruction.
((Mary))I am happy to hear that the depression is lifting. Your hard work, including feeling the painful feelings and shedding the tears made this possible I agree, loving someone bent on destruction is extremely painful
for my depression to lift I had to replace bad memories or even the lost hope of good memories to be made with new experiences small or large activities. I had some help and really didn't get better until I felt I had a support group ( my girlfriends from my church group, they let me be with them if I was smiling or crying) I did yoga or zumba twice a day, even when I cried in class, I pretended it was allergies when I could. I had to literally visualize a broom sweeping thoughts of him from my head almost all the time and I started trying to repair relationships I had damaged in small ways ( I took my daughter coffee at work even when I could only bear to stay a moment). Depression is real, hurtful and lonely. I felt I had to make a choice to try and I had no idea anything would work, and it took a long time but I do feel better. If you can see a doctor medications can help you over the hump too if you feel you need them.
I hope your healing continues and there continue to be good days ahead.
-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 9th of June 2015 07:37:13 PM
Hang in there. You are a strong and wise person as is evidenced by your actions through this ordeal. Way to look out for yourself!! You should feel incredibly proud. You have rescued yourself again and I'm sure one day you will be thanking your HP for it. When you get a little breathing room and can fully appreciate the turmoil you just sidestepped you'll feel even better. Healthy is attractive. You'll have your pick when you know it's right!
So glad that you are seeing the other side....it is a gift when we see that in spite of all that's been, there is still light, love and hope - just perhaps different than we planned for.
I remember those very dark periods when I was watching my boys self-destruct. There were days were I could hardly function and just felt so sad and empty. My sponsor told me, as Betty mentions, that it is a grieving process and it's real and the only recovery was to work through it.
Huge (((hugs))) to you for the hard work you've put forth to make way for a better life. Thank you for sharing too - it so helps me to recall where I've been and where I am and hopeful for what is next!
Make it a great evening!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
