The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just found an empty bottle in the basement and feel lost. I thought my husband was doing well and not drinking. Now I don't know what to think. Things have been going so well that I don't want to talk about it but I can't stop thinking about it. I know I can't change him. So how do I change me in this situation? Do I say anything or do I let it go?
My program suggests that I should call my sponsor, pray about it and then let it go.
We don't know what we don't know and perhaps it's been there a while or perhaps just since last night. In either situation, you truly have no control over what another does or this disease.
(((Hugs))) - try not to let it stop you from loving yourself for this day only and from working your program.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The "good" thing is - if he is actively drinking, it will continue to come out. They can't hide the signs long. So you will not have to wonder and wonder.
Is he working a formal program of recovery? My experience and observation is that if they are not actively working a formal program of recovery, they will continue to drink. Despite denials, claims, arguments, assertions that they can handle it, that they're not like "those people," that they know how it works now and it won't be a problem, etc. etc.
Do you have a meeting? That's one of the best ways we can keep a grip on our serenity despite craziness threatening to break out around us!
Mattie, when you actively work the steps in al-anon you will learn to not be so affected by these discoveries, hence the change you seek for yourself will be peace and serenity. You will learn to detach with love and realize that alcoholics have a disease that cannot be controlled by you, it is entirely up to them to get help.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Alma, I understand your feeling lost. It is so frustrating (can't think of a stronger word right now) to find that the bottles are beyond our control. For me, the Al-Anon program -- meetings, literature, slogans, serenity prayer, a sponsor -- all these things have helped me move beyond the anger and despair. The closing statement read at my meetings says, "You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened." I found this comforting, and it has proved to be true. I was able to change my behavior and my attitude, and I feel so much better... but it did take time, so I would suggest to be gentle with yourself.
