The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for today, June 6 speaks about our own unacceptable behavior. It points out the many times we excuse ourselves by claiming that we provoked or had no other choice for it wass someone else's fault.
We also use the excuse that everybody does it--. So it's no big deal. This is called justifying our behavior, as we pretend that our wrongs do not matter. This is huge denial that we must overcome when we embark on the Fourth step.
This is the step where we take a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
The reading points out it is fearless because we have a spiritual basis with the first three steps, it is moral because we are looking at what is right or wrong in our behavior and it is searching because we are letting go of our old negative justification tools, such as blaming others, and denying reality.
The reading indicates that this step requires courage and self discipline. But by freely acknowledging our behavior, both the positive and negative, we can let go of the what we're doing that hurt ourselves and build on the positive that is there.
The reminder states we must never forget that we are human beings with strengths and weaknesses. We are capable of achievements and making mistakes and once we accept that, we can move through this step easily.
The quote is from Pearl Bailey; "you never find yourself until you face the truth"
I must be honest that I found this step very frightening in the beginning of my Alanon journey but today since I readily accept that i am a Human Being (NOT GOD) with assets and defects, I can look honestly at my actions, own them and search out the destructive habits that still remain. I know I am doing this for my own good so I can have a successful life.
Thanks for the daily! I too was very fearful of 'doing the Step 4' for a variety of reasons. Most importantly, I believe I was afraid of what I would find once I started looking.
I had developed some 'habits' that were damaging, demeaning and just not pretty.....This disease had brought out the 'crazy ugly me' that I really did not like at all.
By doing this 4th step with my sponsor's guidance, I learned so much about what I was doing (reacting often with malice and/or ill-intent), why I was doing it (fear mostly, anger too) and how it made me feel (horrible).
Doing this step and learning from it gave me freedom to stop engaging in their world. It took a bit of practice to stop asking, "Where have you been?", "Have you been drinking?", "When will you be home?", "Why?", etc. Detaching became easier for me after this step as I learned that many of my actions/reactions were based on my own bent expectations and lack of self-confidence.
When we know better, we do better! I had to be reminded over and over again that this step isn't just about our defects - it's also about our assets!
Make it a great day and (((Hugs))).
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
