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I was thinking today how much easier life would be if life was made up of more alanoners. Sometimes I feel like a fish out of water. Making small talk at daughters gym class ( she's talented the mothers are mean) I just feel like ugh. I jumped with her and she banged her nose and started crying. I held her, until she stopped, but felt like an idiot. Make that a guilty idiot. Poor daughter. Then later the autistic one steals unintentionally and I pay for it then tell the cashier to throw it in the bin.why? She asks me. He must be hungry. No, he isn't hungry, and I don't reward him fir stealing. I felt like the worst mother in the world today. So I went to Lala land and wished alanoners wore badges, so we could see each other in the street and slogan one another, lol.meeting tomorrow night, thank goodness.
(((A41))) I certainly do hear you my friend That is why I continually repeat the serenity prayer or a slogan or two around and around in my head as I walk along or participate in outside activities (especially with my FOO) I also carry my ODAT around so I can go into the bathroom and read a page and get centered and a phone list if all else fails. :) You certainly are a great , loving, compassionate mom .Enjoy your meeting tomorrow
You sound like a wonderful mother to me!!! I would give a fortune to had more mothers around like you! No kidding, my daughter wanted to do a pageant at school (she has only done two in her li pie including that one) and she was beautiful. She is not, however, talented with singing/dancing because she is tone deaf. It is very hard on her, but she pushes herself to participate in things that I could never have done and I am ALWAYS proud of her! The other mothers were horrible to the children. I couldn't believe it. It was so terrible at practice and at the pageant. (It didn't help that AH got his DUI during pageant practice and I got a FaceTime call from the trooper with the lights flashing either, but I did try to hide it the best I could so not to embarrass her).
Either way, the mothers were awful and there were obvious favorites for the practices and for the teachers "helping". They were so mean to one girl that I even interjected on her behalf. She was really really appreciative (despite me embarrassing my own daughter...lol) and told the other girls how cool (my daughter's mother) was and how another particular one was so mean. It mad my daughter very happy to see that someone really did appreciate my intervention. I'm so ashamed of these "ladies". They are teaching their precious children to behave in ways that will scar them for life. You did the right thing IMO. You are teaching your children by example and that is a wonderful thing.
You are so right about the al-anoners...if we had more people who mind their own business and try to be kind, pleasant, and peaceful, the world would be a much better place.
I found at first I would just assume other people were on the same page as me and they would look at me like I was an alien lol. I think that previously I thought I was so messed up and wrong and then when I started to feel better I assumed I was "like everyone else" now but instead I realised people are all kinds of messed up an I am the lucky one now because I have all of these tools and this wonderful support base.
Parents around here are different, I can't comprehend their behaviour. Their children are so rude and disrespectful to them and they seem afraid to do or say anything about it. I used to think because I lived with A and I was a doormat that all of the "normal" women were so together and strong but now I see many of them let their kids treat them as if they are the hired help and my mind just BOGGLES.
I shared on here about a year ago my daughter had a party and one of her friends was rude, I took out a plate of food and the kid said "can you bring out something to drink now? And some cups?" in this really rude tone and daughter of mine told her sternly "how we go and bring out the drinks ourselves? She's my mum, not your butler" LOL
It's so weird seeing these parents bow and scrape and try to placate their very rude kids, I see such blatant enabling yet it's not something I could ever discuss with most people, it would be such a completely alien concept to them.
I second the al-anon badge motion.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I have been fascinated by this all my life. I have always felt like a fish out of water. Uncomfortable in my skin around people in this culture, especially. I will say something that I think sums up a situation out in public or laugh at something that happens in public, etc and people look at me like I'm from outer space. But you're right missmeliss: the secret is finally becoming obvious to a lot of us that everyone feels that way. I believe it is the brave, open people who continue to assume that everyone around them has at least certain basic human experiences in common. Not that we're all at the same place in life at the same time, certainly, but a deeply profound and connecting shared experience of just being human on this planet. My feeling is that people are both afraid of and longing for connection. As I have started to look at it that way I have felt more comfortable in my skin.
I worked with apes for many, many years and having also travelled a lot and seen other cultures, I think the way we live here in alienating in a very primal way that leaves people feeling "uncontextualized" in a way that gives rise to a lot of mental, physical, and emotional problems. I am certainly not the keeper of "The Answers" but that is what I feel in my gut.
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Peace comes from within. Do not seek it from without. Buddha
I feel you "Lost". It would be nice to be able to recognize people that are working the program so I could get that little "you are not alone" boost by just passing them in the street.
I can't relate to other parents I meet in my kids schools at all. I don't look like them, I don't act like them, and I don't treat my kids like they do (I treat mine like human beings!).
Spooky, I'm the king of inappropriateness. I just can't help myself. I make off-color jokes and call things as I see them. Sometimes I think I do it to filter out the people I don't want contact with and identify those I do. When people ask the name of my son's band I tell them "Skidding Shitwagon" just to see who laughs. That of course is not the name.
Ha! I laughed. The Imp of the Perverse. Just yesterday I was out at my local cool cafe and as I walked by a table a guy dropped his fork on the floor and was clearly embarrassed. I laughed and said, "Gravity. It's everywhere." Like it was some pesky nuisance. He looked at me like I was crazy. But I got a laugh out of it!
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Peace comes from within. Do not seek it from without. Buddha
I have found that if I am open and working hard to be a part of vs. a part from, I can spot those who are walking a spiritual path (not always sure about recovery programs).
For me, they are those who have smiling eyes, and non-judgmental stares. They give a small smile or nod when I am clearly off-balance or in a bit of a panic.
They might even put a hand on a shoulder of hand, and say, it will be alright.
I don't judge those who parent different than I in public even when I wish they would. I am so easily distracted that a screaming child or ones running up/down the aisles have me leaving without things all the time. It took me a long time to understand that this was 'my side of the street' and how I view the world.
I have taken my children out of public places when their behavior is unacceptable. I have also taken them home from sporting events when their behavior is unacceptable. I think we do the best we can with what we have and trust God to do the rest.
(((A41))) - even if you wonder at times, you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Feeling like I don't belong was the worst feeling ever!! Al-Anon gave me the tools to take back my sanity and serenity and in so doing also gave be back my confidence! As you work the steps you will see that you are perfect just the way you are and feeling like you do not fit in will slowly ease up until you are confident in your own right!! Sounds like you are a wonderful Mom!! It works when you work it!! {{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
The Imp of the Perverse. Just yesterday I was out at my local cool cafe and as I walked by a table a guy dropped his fork on the floor and was clearly embarrassed. I laughed and said, "Gravity. It's everywhere." Like it was some pesky nuisance. He looked at me like I was crazy. But I got a laugh out of it!