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Post Info TOPIC: So integration begins...


~*Service Worker*~

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So integration begins...


1. People can't give you what they don't have!!! (Expectations)

2. Just because they don't give it doesn't mean you don't need it (Values & Standards)

3. If you need it, you deserve it. (Boundaries and Detaching with Love)

4. If we are taking/forcing it without free will (Control)

5. If we pretend it is being given (Denial/Enabling)

6. Acceptance is knowing where you are at today and accepting reality!!! (Life on Life's Terms)

7. There is no need to make an amends (apologize or say sorry),no need to forgive yourself or others if you were acting within your value system.

8. All feelings are important and valuable (Empathy and Validation)

9. Letting go of negative expectations or positive expectations (Resentments)

10. Respond to Behavior (Based on your value system/protection rather than the motivation of the other person)

 



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~*Service Worker*~

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Truth - great list!!! Why not parens after No 7?

That's the one that gave me the most pause. One of my character defects (working on it....) is being direct, at times - overly. So - I do often apologize for how I said something....not necessarily what - but the delivery.

Thanks for sharing!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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I don't know lol

If I write things out I learn it .... Maybe I am suppose to learn that from you... Haha

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~*Service Worker*~

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I use to apologize for my delivery and I felt my self-esteem dropping. One of my values is being kind, so I do pause before I choose words. However, I have learned it is just better to acknowledge (validate) the feelings/experience that my words may have created for the other person. I feel better and so does the other person.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Ya......I've been working (hard) to pause before I choose my words. It does help/work, but I still slip at times. (((Hugs)))

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Great Post Truth Love the clarity

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 934
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Thanks Betty ... I am trying to do the next right thing. Focus on me..learn this program...and expose myself to triggers. I don't really know what my triggers are anymore. I usually hear words on tv now and get blindsided now. I don't avoid places anymore out of fear. I avoid them because I checked with my values and just don't want to go there.

I have created a lot of physical space from my ex-A and I needed that. I no longer feel guilty about that. Getting there... Progress not perfection!!!!

I had a really good day today. Actually, I have had lots of really good days
I was even sick on Monday and still created a good day!!!

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~*Service Worker*~

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Great Truth-- You are MIRACLE IN PROGRESS :)

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Senior Member

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Awesome list - thank you for sharing :)

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