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I learned again today that I am powerless over alcohol. My AH has many health problems, at least in part as a result of long term alcohol abuse, and is in a care facility. He has limited mobility, cannot drive, is mostly incontinent, and spends most of his time in bed. His cognitive functions are not as good as they used to be.
When he was at home, he was told many times by doctors that he needs to abstain from alcohol. I was told by doctors -- on two separate occasions -- to get rid of all alcohol in the house, and I did. Somehow, each time the alcohol came back. I had the experience of finding hidden bottles, etc. I learned that there are substances that contain alcohol that I wasn't aware of -- like mouth wash and cough syrup. He used those. It nearly drove me crazy. Just in time, I found Al-Anon.
You all probably know about night-time cough medicines that contain alcohol (which I honestly did not until I became educated about this disease). This is something he has used before. I've taken it away and substituted no-alcohol versions. Today I was visiting him in the care facility, and lo-and-behold, there on the bedside table is a bottle of this cough medicine.
How did it get there? I do not know and I (almost) do not care. It might have been brought by a visiting family member or friend, a caregiver, or the tooth fairy. He has a computer, so he could have ordered it online.
But here is the miracle. Thanks to the tools of this program, I did not say anything and I did not do anything. I know this is something I cannot control. I feel serenity by giving over that control to a higher power, because I sure don't have it, and I don't want it.
The meaning of powerlessness has become more clear to me. It simply is not my job to control what form of alcohol comes his way. It's not in my job description, it's above my pay grade, and that's why I don't have the power.
Thanks to this forum for being here so I can share these thoughts right away, and at a later time I will talk with my sponsor.
Thanks for stopping and sharing! I am one who tries to view life 'glass half full' so truly get a big grin when I see success - big or small.
Pat yourself on the back for taking your tools along for the visit and for detaching so successfully.
This literally made my moment even nicer!!!
(((Hugs))) to you....and prayers for continued success!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What a great job you're doing working the Serenity Prayer. I didn't know about the products with alcohol either until my ex went to rehab and I was told given a list of what never to bring to him while he was there. I then had my answer as to why he constantly brought certain mouth washes and cough syrups home. My efforts to keep the house "clean" were futile and exhausting. You're right... lots of stuff can be bought right online. We didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. Wish I'd known more about the disease back then. I might have had more compassion for him. I hope your visit to your husband was a good one overall. He's lucky you've stuck by him. Thanks for sharing your progress with detachment. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Iamhere, Hotrod, and TiredTonite, thank you so much for responding. Knowing that there are so many Al-Anons out there who understand what I have experienced is a comfort and renews my faith in humanity.
-- Edited by Freetime on Monday 1st of June 2015 11:35:23 PM
Great job. I too am working on this with my AH and hope that someday soon I will be able to fully give this over to my HP. Keep up the great work....sounds like you are on the road to a more peaceful life.
