The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am at a lost of where this is headed. My AH hears in his meetings from men who have lost their wives because of alcohol, men who swear that there is no wife good enough to truly want to stay. ..so they are bascially telling my AH that he is going to lose me regardless of what he does.
I am frustrated with this because no matter how many times I explain to him that I am here to support him, he tells me how I am supposed to feel and how I am going to leave, so he doesn't see the point in me "supporting" him now.
I know I am supposed to focus on me, but how am I suppose to ensure my marriage doesnt fall apart, how am I supposed to show him I care and truly do support his fight againt this disease? This, to me, is the most frustrating part - watching my marriage crumble and not knowing how to stop it.
"Just keep up with your meetings and your program honey...love you." Use the same statement repeatedly and let go. The rest is up to your own HP and his. His anxieties and low self esteem are his alcoholism still talking. He will either stick with the program or use this as an excuse to drink or act out. He has work to do. Just stay loving but don't get too drawn up in his recovery challenges. That's for him to work out.
I agree with pinkchip - just keep your message of love and support simple and work on you while he works on him.
I've been on both sides of the rooms and early program should be about one day at a time and basics. Projecting either way on the outcome of anything is still the 'disease in control'.
I know when I first arrived on the other side, I was not a good listener and often did not hear the intended message.
Be good to you, be loving to him and just keep working the program. All we have is today to live and when I can stay in the here and now, I am so much more at peace!
(((Hugs))) to you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
