The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Before I stumbled upon Alanon, there seemed to be no problem of mine, and especially others, that I could not fix. I still have brief bouts of shame and embarrassment as I recall the deluge of unsolicited and misdirected advice I constantly doled out to others, especially the A in my life.
Reading daily from the readers is one way that I use the reminders and direction to turn the focus on bettering myself, rather than trying to change others. Today's ODAT is the kind of reminder that I give extra attention to, as it feels for me to be the lynchpin of my recovery.
The text recalls how we can hear a phrase that can take on meaning of new significance within the Alanon context. The phrase "Mind your Own Business" is one we may have heard since childhood, often with a negative connotation. In an Alanon context, however, it is a four word declaration of a fundamental program concept.
Today's reminder challenges us to focus on what are truly and only our concerns, not the A's, or anyone else's, and not to interfere or shield others from their actions.
From words attributed to Marcus Aurelius, this thought: When offended at another's fault, turn to study your own failings. By attending to them you will forget the anger you focused outward, and learn to live wisely.
I am so grateful for the wisdom of the program and the guidance I so desperately need. Alanon is a source of humbling reminders of a better way to live, of how we can bring peace into our lives and ease the burdens we unintentionally place upon others by our misguided attempts to 'help'.
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks for the daily - this one is hitting home for me.....I am a bit down as my A son had to leave our home again because of his disease.
I worked hard today to MYOB and it gave me a head-ache but I feel some success. I too love humbling reminders of a better way to live and love peace in my life. My 'help' at times has softened the landing for a bottom yet to be defined.
Make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for that share. My advice giving and "help has too been a big detriment to me. I set myself up to be the go to girl for help instead of focusing on myself. I too have softened the landing for my adult daughter and perhaps interfered with her bottom. I am beginning to realize and accept that normal helpful parenting is not possible when dealing with an active A. I need a good dose of MYOB.
We had a traditions meeting last night and I remember someone speaking about this very topic. I love this program because it truly has taught me how to mind my own business and how to stay on my side of the street. I certainly don't do it perfectly but I do try to apply the principles as best as I possibly can every day.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
