The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I have started dating and it has been quite the experience for me. It gives me the opportunity to reflect and validate my emotions. I am also not people pleasing and expressing my needs. Well I have not made a connection, I am learning to speak up. I just had another experience with "I'm sorry you feel that way"...and I was finally able to express that I need to date a person who is empathetic and validating not someone who is dismissive and minimizing. Wow my needs are important because I made them important!!! I also did not feel guilt about expressing this need. Anyway, I told the other person that we were not a good match. I felt invalidated and needed to move along and I wished him well.
I am so proud of myself. I don't ever want to be in a relationship with someone who cannot validate an emotion or connect on an emotional level again. When someone expresses an emotion to me, my common response is "I can understand how that would be upsetting, happy or whatever" ... I need that back!!!
I am not where you are but am hopeful that one day - I'll get a mulligan....I admire your program in action.
Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
