The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I did just comment about this on Andromeda's thread.
Today was the day for me to decide my next round of enrollments for semester 2.
I've been going around and around in circles all day getting more and more agitated because it just doesn't work and I am really at a loss.
I've been very lucky this last semester, thanks HP. The stars aligned for me; in a new home with daughter starting high school, I was able to enrol in classes that all ran in the middle of the day so I would leave home after daughter left for school in the morning and arrive home at worst 45 minutes after her at 5pm. That was fantastically managable. And for money I've been delivering papers, trying to sell cosmetics, pushing poo uphill really but managing ok and hopeful that I will find ways to generate more income.
So this semester there is not one single class that I can take in the middle of the day. They are all early morning or afternoon so I can either leave here at 6.30am to start a class at 8am or I can take classes that finish at 6pm and I won't arrive home until 8pm (the trains are complicated; it takes longer to get home).
Neither of these options are really acceptable; this is not an especially nice neighbourhood and daughter home alone for more than an hour or 2 in the daylight at the ripe old age of 12 makes my stomach clench. She likes to be out on her trampoline for hours and hours especially when it gets dark and we live behind a big sports ground where idiots get drunk and high and throw stuff over our back fence; a 12 year old girl bouncing up and down next to the fence makes me nervous when I am home let alone if I am not. And yes I could tell her not to go outside when I am not home...and while am at it I can call up ABF and tell him to quit drinking and perhaps I can also have a chat with the sun and ask if it wouldn't mind not setting until after 8pm for the remainder of the year, there's a good fellow.
If I leave early in the morning it will be daylight mostly but I would feel even more worried; daughter likes to leave the grill on, the doors unlocked; she's only 12 and the idea of leaving her in charge of locking up the house safely for the day and taking herself off to school alone once again curdles my blood. I would be in a state of panic all day and I don't feel it would be safe. Maybe when she's 14, 15...she's a good kid but not ready to do the whole latch-key thing yet. Not to mention what she might take it upon herself to do while I am gone in the mornings; she is headstrong and has no sense of danger.
There's a job I'd love to apply for too, not far from home, asking specifically for a naturopathy student....so perfect!!!!....but it's until 9pm, so even worse.
I just don't know what I can do.
Even if I wanted to stay at home and do nothing I cannot as my income support payments will stop if I do not study or work for at least 15 hours per week and then we truly would be living in the street.
And that aside I LOVE going to classes and interracting with the world, I've started to feel really alive and purposeful. I tried to go to school and work when daughter first started school but she became so ill that I had to stay home full time and care for her for 2 years, then I tried to study online while I helped ABF with his mowing business, wasn't that a great use of my time. Now I am out and ready and I just don't know what to do with this new set of hurdles.
I might be able to successfully argue to be allowed to study online (that's not considered acceptable under the new rules) but I've been there and done that and sitting inside alone in front of a computer day in, day out does not work for me, I find it unbearably depressing and I just...well, I sleep. Non stop. House-bound for me is a prison sentence. And I don't even know if I would be allowed as I have already been told no, online study does not meet the activity requirement.
So I really, really welcome ESH. I surely cannot be the only single mother facing this obstacle!! How do we work, study and start to generate a life for ourselves when our children aren't yet old enough to fend for themselves? What possible answer is there that isn't just surviving and trying to find ways to get around the rules?
I know there will be an answer...but I can't wait and hope because I have to make decisions and sign forms and commit to classes right now and I am so at a loss for the right course of action. What want to do is begin classes this Monday and switch to trimester study (so you don't have holidays but do 3 sets of units a year) and get through the course as fast as I can. That will involve getting all of the paperwork done this weekend and showing up Monday morning and begging that they accept my late enrollment and let me start immediately. But then I am committed to late nights and early mornings and leaving daughter all alone.
But, it was pretty magical that I was able to take middle of the day classes during this last 6 months of transition so, HP must have something in mind.
So basically, GAAAAAAAAH!!!!
And thanks for listening.
-- Edited by missmeliss on Friday 22nd of May 2015 01:46:20 PM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Yes ... it varies from fairly hard to fantastically hard, and it sounds like you have a situation on the harder end of the scale.
My thought is support systems, either informal or formal. What is the setup for kids after school in your town? Do they have a place where they can go and do homework? Because there are a ton of parents out there who don't get home till 5:30 or 6:00, and different places have different arrangements for them. Some free, some not. Can you do a search, ask around? Is there something she could be enrolled in? Some schools have after-school care too.
Another option is the more informal kind of support. I developed a network of people I traded my kid off with. I know you can't do this instantly, so that's not an immediate solution, but in the long run.
If the childcare thing doesn't work out for this term, it may be that you have to take a break, while looking furiously for solutions. Or the classes may come back at a good time and the solutions won't be needed next term.
There aren't any after school programs unfortunately, they are only for primary school kids and end at 6pm anyway; I won't be home until 8pm. There's not any place they can go and do homework, there's nothing at all in fact. I have to admit I hadn't anticipated this difficulty at all, its just weird and annoying that there are no daytime classes I can take this time around.
I actually cannot take a break; if I cease study I lose my student allowance and we would literally be living on the street as I would have nothing to pay rent with let alone feed us. What I make delivering papers covers our bus and train tickets each week basically and I am not receiving child support from her delightful father yet so no student allowance would actually render us homeless.
And we have just moved here a few months ago so I have no support network as yet, certainly no-one I could ask to have her on a regular basis.
Sigh, an answer will come, but I need it to come NOW so I can get this enrolment worked out!!!!!
Just gaaah!
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Just out of interest, are there classes in subjects other than the one you are currently studying that you can take in the middle of the day?
Is there anyone else in a similar situation to you who might consider pooling resources for childcare/study time?
Sending (((((((hugs))))))))
There WILL be an opportunity in this, I'm just not seeing it yet.
Ha there is yet another option, I can wait for daughter to get home each day then make her travel 1.5 hours to the city with me and sit in classes until 10pm and arrive home at midnight each night...
Part of me feels a little bit angsty that I chose to stay here hours away from family so she could go to her school and if I lived near my family this would be simple and a no-brainer, she would just go to my mothers after school until I got back.
But this is what I chose to do and I guess the solitude and lack of support is weighing on me right now.
There's always an answer and there are always benefits I couldn't have forseen so, bring it on....
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Milkwood not sure what sort of classes you mean? I am doing a bachelor degree, every class costs about $2000 (added to my student debt) and I need to do 6 of them each semester. I can only do subjects that are part of my degree, that I have done the prerequs for and none of the ones I can currently do are running in the middle of the day. It's unheard of really, just really bad timetabling luck. No way I could afford to do classes outside my degree anyway. I don't know anyone in my local area at all to pool resources with, unfortunately. I've not yet made any friends, or even met another parent from daughter's school other than the lady who dropped her off one time and called hello from the street, lol. I just haven't had time. Its a bit wrong now when I think about it, I actually do not know another adult human being that lives anywhere near me. Lol, why do you think I babble on here so much? I suppose I've become so used to being alone that I haven't even thought about it. Friends would be handy. I'm taking daughter to this party tomorrow night so I guess I might briefly introduce myself to some other parents, I should probably make some effort to meet people.
I know this will work out alright, I'm just frustrated because I need to do the paperwork immediately and I cannot arrive at a resolution.
-- Edited by missmeliss on Friday 22nd of May 2015 03:11:37 PM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Maybe when you meet the folks at the party tomorrow, you could ask, "Say, I wanted to ask some local folks about something - what do working parents or parents with daytime commitments do about childcare around here? What are the options?"
Most of them will probably have unhelpful answers ("We rely on each child's nanny" or "Gramma picks them up") but someone might have a lead on something helpful.
(((hugs))) You will know when you have the right answer. Or, as I say sometimes, the least wrong one.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
It does sound complicated Ms.M. I do love the idea of the job that is looking for an "naturopathy student"-- Sounds perfect for you -- Maybe you could negotiate the hours and find an alternate plan for daughter at the gathering tonight.
I agree taking "in person class" is best for you as interacting with other is important. I know a solution will surface.
What classes are running, in that perfect time frame, that are within your degree program? Another words are any of the classes you need for your degree offered at those good times that work with your daughter's school schedule? Also, are there any classes that you can take on line, just for this semester, if there is nothing you can take on campus?
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
No Debb the problem is there actually isn't a single class that I can currently do that is running at those times. Ridiculous but true.
So I have decided to do one late night a week, one early morning, and I guess I'll always be an hour late or leave an hour early, be home by 7pm just before dark, sigh, and hope like crazy that daughter can be alright for a few hours twice a week, and the rest of the subjects I'll do online, then I'll have to find some work to make up the rest of the hours I'm required to do as online classes don't count. Honestly lol I feel like when I decided to leave ABF I built us a cubby house out of cardboard boxes and sticky tape and we have been living in it ever since, just adding more boxes and wrapping more tape here and there to keep the weather out...lol. It's always just stopgap measures and temporary fixes.
But every time things are impossible something good seems to come of it so, it'll work, somehow, and there will be benefits, there always are.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks Debb and everyone, I know it will be all right, I'm just feeling grumbly because it's not going the way I want it to, lol.
One thing I have learnt is that my HP isn't subtle so if a ridiculous situation has arisen where there are no daytime classes in either trimester OR semester study for me, there's a reason. Maybe I'm just ready to take on more, I guess I'm going to do a lot better if I keep my eyes peeled for the opportunities instead of moaning about the difficulty.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Ugh this sounds like a very frustrating situation, especially when it involves you doing something to make your life better in the long run. I hope that you find some answers and that everything works out :)
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