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Crazy crazy week .. kids are getting out of school and so on.
Holiday week at work .. LOL .. that is insane putting it mildly.
I threw my program out the window yesterday so now I'm going through the wreckage at the moment and trying to figure it all out Seriously, I know everyone is stressed beyond belief, I think my tolerance for bad behavior is just a lot less at the moment. My ability it handle it with grace and tact is just zero .. so I need a refill of some good podcasts this weekend which i plan to do. It's been a ton of moments of walk away and take a breath and then we laugh about something completely ridiculous and move on.
This was a funny story .. I told a customer and we were laughing that this week has felt like multiple Monday's and Friday the 13th's wrapped into each day ... not sure if Mercury Retruograde is happening or what .. nothing would surprise me .. lol. So I made the comment to my lone coworker in the front office and added all we need is Jason to jump out and I hear her just burst out OMG Jason can NOT call today I don't have time for him! Now I'm bent over laughing because HOLY COW .. I'm talking about Jason with the hockey mask from Friday the 13th franchise and she's talking about a Jason who actually works there .. we must have laughed about that for a good 15 min. It was so needed after the two of us tried to leave for lunch and someone starts in with snarky comments .. I lost my mind at that point and my mouth ran away. I'm not normally a swearing kind of person, however dealing with the men I do sometimes that is the only language they speak he pretty much it was explained to him how he could answer the phone until we came back. He was shocked to say the least since I used some extremely colorful language .. no .. no no no no NO .. I'm so flipping done at the moment. He had an attitude adjustment when we came back.
Sometimes .. I could have lost the language .. that's the only regret I have is I went to that level .. I hate to say I got his attention and sometimes when dealing with union mentality it's the only way to roll with these guys OR you get steam rolled .. that's just not who I am anymore.
My anger issues are definitely on the surface right now and I need to soothe my inner Athena and not sure how to do it since I have been taking care of me just incredibly stressed at the same time.
My XAH decided to show up at the kids school .. he is such an idiot .. he has NO idea what their schedule is .. it's the last week of school my kids have finals and it's very stressful for them .. they are leaving the school that has been a part of their entire lives. It breaks my heart for now I don't see another way. Unless his family steps up this is the way it will have to be .. which also means there could be some very big life changes for us as a family unit. The kids definitely can't go to the public schools here in town so I'm looking for a new district to move to .. which means trying to find time to move and so on. Needless to say when he realized his what a true idiot he was he left with egg on his face. My daughter had text him asking for yearbook money and he actually tried to use it as a bribe for this next visitation and she told him some hard truths about a few things .. I just shake my head and think can you know less about your kids? I mean in terms of this being her last week of school, what it meant to her and how she wanted a yearbook for remembarence purposes. I'm sure he was shocked is putting it mildly.
Anyway, that part of the day seriously threw me. I think he realizes that this means we will be moving .. he will not have any control over that issue.
I'm anxious for meeting this week and unfortunately can't make it to any more at the moment since my week nights have been just over turned by other obligations. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and had someone ask me if I remembered to pray .. honestly, I haven't been doing as much of that as I should.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Your week sounds crazy! So sorry for all the stress and chaos - may peace and calm arrive for you soon!
It dawned on me this week that I just don't like May any longer. While it sounds strange to dislike a whole month, it's become my reality. We have a grade school in our hood so
I see a ton of little ones heading back and forth to end of year parties @ a nearby park on foot. They are all happy and joyous for the end of the year and the summer break. I am
pained watching them as it brings me memories of happier times with my 2 sons.
May is graduation season, wedding season, prom season, and includes Mother's day. My 2 sons barely graduated, didn't walk for graduation, didn't go to any of the dances - really didn't
show up for high school much at all. I've got no annual photos of them - my last portraits are from junior high. They also learned from my AH that Mother's Day isn't important....So May
has become for me a dreaded month of the year.
My hope is I can work on this way of thinking and my annual celebration of sadness by working harder on my program. I'm going to tons of meetings and doing more meditation and
working with others and step work. I believe, as usually happens with my growing up, that more will be revealed after I am on the other side.
My AH never knew what was happening schedule wise either. I am not sure he even knows when their birthdays are and he certainly doesn't know their ages. With the disease active, he
is in his own little world and unaware of most which goes on around him. At times, I pity him for all he has missed and then realize that his path is not my business.
Hopefully life will calm down a bit and you will soon have more time to 'stop and smell the roses'.
Take care of you and make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm not hearing your program going out the window. Not all of us beam serenity and sunshine all of the time. Sounds like a lot of stress and some concern about the future and knowing there are about to be some major changes. It's okay. You and your kids are learning how to adapt to change.
Well when I tell someone to go and answer the f'ing phone if they have a problem and as I'm walking away they keep talking smack as I flip back around and go I'm really f'ing tired of this place.
LOL .. that probably wasn't practicing alanon at its best .. plus then I went to family night at a rehab place to have an RA there say gee you sound kind of angry .. LOL .. ummm .. YES .. I happen to feel that way at the moment and 4 years ago I would have shredded someone for pointing that out .. the reality is .. I'm really a lot better than I was .. that was followed by would I consider dating an RA and we all laughed looking for a date? NO .. my program is not strong enough to deal with that kind of drama from someone so new into recovery. HEY .. at least I got that answer down .. LOL!!! Besides I'm an angry alanon lady at the moment and again .. progress not perfection.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I had a recent discussion with a girlfriend after signing up for an online dating website. One of the questions that I was asked when I signed up was, "Would you be open to dating a member of Alcoholics Anonymous?" I answered "no." I told my girlfriend about this, and she, who had a gambling addiction and has been in recovery for around six years, asked me why I would judge someone who is an RA and not be willing to give them a chance. I told her it was nothing against the RA, it was me knowing where I am in my life right now. I'm still healing from the loss of my AH and I know based on where I am at in my own recovery, I would not be a good partner to a RA. I think that I would have trust issues (my issue) and also might want to try to control the person so that they could maintain their sobriety (again, my issue). Now, that might change sometime down the line, but for now, I prefer to be with someone that not only would be a good match for me, but also that I would a good match for them. I am so trying to keep the drama out of my life right now and striving to be the best version of myself that I can be. Like you said, Serenity, "progress, not perfection."
Umm, that's losing your program? Well, that wasn't so bad, LOL! You're doing great. This is a stressful week for a lot of folks with kids getting out of school, etc. hang in there. I'm sorry about your X, but it's pretty much par for the course isn't it? Angry Al Anon is better than angry NO PROGRAM or Al Anon at all, right? You always have program to fall back on even when we do slip up. HUGS!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
