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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> New And Sad
Post Info TOPIC: New And Sad
Mikhail


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New And Sad
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My father has been a secret drinker for a long time and the family only recently discovered this when, as part of his treatment for diabetes, the doctors thought he might have liver cancer. We took that news as best we could and my dad started going to AA meetings in the hopes that he could stop drinking and qualify for a liver transplant. Follow up tests showed that, miracle of miracles, my dad did not have liver cancer. We were thrilled and my dad said he saw it as a second chance...a new lease on life. It has turned out be the same old life, just worse. He went into rehab this past week and has fallen a couple of times and been hospitalized for confusion and disorientation. Cause is, as you might imagine, excessive ammonia from an unhealthy liver. They've put him on medication to treat the ammonia and I'm hoping he is well enough to go back to rehab. If rehab doesn't work out, then I think his time is very short. He's a big, stubborn guy and there's no way the family can keep him out of the alcohol. It's got to be his decision.

I'm planning to go to my first face-to-face meeting this week. I'm lucky to have so many in my area. I'm just very sad and angry. My mom died a couple of years ago (non-alcohol related) and I'm scared about my dad dying too, especially when I see so many people his age being healthy and enjoying their lives. That's just not my dad's reality and I can accept that I can't change it.

Anyway, I appreciate that this resource is here. A day at a time, I guess...

 



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hotrod


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Welcome to Miracles in Progress. Mikhail. I am sorry to hear of the extent of your father's illness and am glad that you have searched out Al-Anon face-to-face meetings and are planning to attend.
 
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that can be arrested and never cured. You are correct it is up to your father to seek a recovery program for himself. We who live with the disease, develop many destructive coping tools in order to live with the insanity around us. Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members and has helped  to save my sanity and my life.

Breaking the isolation caused by living with the disease, learning to keep the focus on myself, and living one day at a time without worrying about the future or dwelling on the past , I was able to develop new tools that helpred  me to respond and not react.
 

 

Please keep coming back there is hope


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
MsRobot


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Welcome!

I went to my first meeting on Saturday! I was anxious about it but I am tired of living in denial. I went to a newbie meeting and they stayed later for the regular group meeting. Everyone there was either really friendly and welcoming or new just like me. I'm really glad I went and I will go back.

It is absolutely amazing how kind and supportive a total group of strangers can be to one another. Also a great reminder that we are not alone and that there is hope. I'm so grateful and wish you al the best.

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Mikhail


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Thank you, Betty and MsRobot, for your replies. I appreciate your kind words and good wishes.




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SpookyMulder


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Both my parents are dying right now. My dad has been a dry drunk all his life, and my mother, I feel, has simply been worn down by his endless pessimism and thinly disguised anger. My dad has Multiple Systems Atrophy -- sort of like ALS -- and we all knew for a long time he would lose his ability to speak. I said at a meeting last night that I kept waiting (and sometimes encouraging) this "big end-of-life talk...imagine here music from "On Golden Pond in the background. Now he can't speak and I have learned a lot in the last few years about how his alcoholism impacted my life, truly learned to detach from him with love, and also see the way alcoholism has impacted not just me, but the whole family. Recently, when I told my sister of an emotional breakthrough in which I did a public "ugly" cry for an hour -- I've never cried for an hour in my life -- she said, "Yeah, but you can't be vulnerable enough to let that happen all the time or you just wouldn't make it." My sister and I are best friends and when I heard her say this it cut me to the core, knowing that she has the same pain inside and feels as if she would simply cease to go on if she gave full vent to her feelings. I am proud of you for reaching out for help. I am a newbie, too. I have studied Buddhism extensively as a martial artist and now becoming a Buddhist minister, and I was happy to learn there are a lot of similarities with the program. So it has helped me to understand that I have learned some things -- that my ability to learn and change has been there and that still, quiet voice has tried to guide me for a long time -- and it sounds like you, too, have really started to come to terms with the reality of your situation. I'm glad you are here, and you deserve all the kindness you receive.

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Peace comes from within.  Do not seek it from without.  Buddha
Iamhere


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Mikhail - welcome to MIP and so sorry for your pain, anger and sadness. You are not alone and I applaud you for quickly seeking help for you! What I've learned and continue to learn is I deserve to be happy, healthy and whole in spite of this disease and the effects on the active user and others in the family.

I was scared to go to F2F meetings at first, but those wonderful folks have become my family in so many ways. When good things happen or chaos, they are the ones I want to share with or lean on now, which seems so foreign to how I was raised (secrets, secrets, secrets...)

May you find the strength and courage to walk the path each day one day at a time! Please keep coming back and the meetings here are wonderful!

Make it a great day!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
ntd2001


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Mikhail, welcome to Al-Anon. I am glad that you have such a vast resource of face to face meetings, and hope you find a home within them.

Al-Anon also has a resource called the phone bridge, which are Al-Anon meetings by conference call. The website to the meeting directory is phonemeetings.org , and like the chatroom here has informal networking in between meetings.

There are also online meetings here in Miracles In Progress twice daily, which you can access through the link on the top of the page that says "Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room".

Both the chatroom and phone bridge are available to you 24/7, as is this forum.

Thanks for posting, and I understand where you are coming from as my dad was an alcoholic who suffered a stroke due this disease. Hang in there, keep coming back. We are here for you.

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Mirandac


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Welcome mikhail

((((((((( hugs)))))))

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