Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Emma9152 · Newbie

Leaving

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Glad that you shared. Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive disease over which we are powerless. Living with the disease we become affected and need a program of recovery for ourselves . Search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend The hot line number is in the white pages.

I could have written your post mnay years ago, so I assure you that you are not alone Alanon has saved many lives , including mine so please reach out

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Good morning and welcome to MIP. ((((Hugs to you)))) - know that you are not alone.

There are no easy answers when dealing with this disease. It is cunning, baffling, powerful and deceptive.

If you can find local Alanon meetings, you will find love and support like no other. They will help you find tools to cope, survive and thrive in lieu of what's going on around you. MIP has online meetings as well each day - morning and night.

So sorry for your pain - if possible, try to focus on just this one day. Don't fret about the past and don't concern yourself with the future - just focus on today and what you can do for you today. Living life one day at a time helps us to be gentle with ourselves and attend to that which matters right here and now.

Please keep coming back and know that you have arrived at a great place for support!

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Emma, it's said often that it's always darkest before the dawn and that has been my experience.
Right when things are the most unbearable and I think I am on the verge of a breakdown, suddenly the sun rises and clarity dawns with it.
Not very long ago my A became too sick and dangerous to live with, we lost our home, I had no-where to live and no money or friends and thought I really was done for. But I got through the dark time and it was all right, and now it's good.
As terrible as it seems right now it just might be the beginning of something new and good.
Al-anon was my guiding light; I second the suggestion that you find a meeting if possible. Having support and people that understand is worth its weight in gold and I bet there would be someone working at the refuge that would know where local meetings are.
(((Emma)))

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Hugs))))) Emma,

My marriage is also thirty years and I completely understand how difficult it feels to leave that. Things that have helped me are recognising the good times and how things have changed; recognising how my behaviour and self esteem have been damaged by putting up with the damage that alcoholism causes; recognising that I wasn't helping anybody, least of all my husband, by staying in that situation. Oh, and realising that I have have been gifted a life and that I want to live it to the best of my ability. I'm a giving, caring person and I like that about me. I also stayed in an abusive situation far too long because of those traits as well. For a long time I didn't want to loose that giving side of me but now I have learnt that I can indeed keep giving, but I can also be more discerning about to whom and how much I give. I consider that a tough life lesson, but one that I don't want to turn the clock back on. It has in a sense liberated me to spend my time with people who I like and want to be with.

I ask myself every day what can I do (or what did I do in the past) that makes me feel good about being me. That question helps me to stop thinking about what could have beens. I try to do something I enjoy every day - a walk, taking photos on my phone, typing up a cv and applying for jobs. I started small by painting my nails; then I got in touch with some old friends. More recently I've joined a yoga class and now I'm studying for something that might turn out to be a new career path. I feel myself unfurling through this process and it feels good.

Writing a daily journal also helped me to unravel my crazy thoughts and every evening I would list the three best things in my day. It didn't matter how bad the day was, there were always bits that were the best and actually some of them were lovely.

Visiting Alanon helped me a lot - just to realise that I wasn't alone and meeting others who have been on the same path as I and who have turned away from abuse and learnt how to thrive was an inspiration. It is ok to ask for help and to tell fellow Alanoners that you could use some support as you try to work out your next steps.

I'm glad that you are here and I'm sorry for the pain that you are feeling. Please keep coming back if you can, whatever you choose to do for now.

ntd2001 · Veteran Member

Emma, hang in there and welcome to Al-Anon. We are here for you 24/7. In addition to face-to-face meetings, here on this site there are online meetings twice daily seven days a week (look for the link to the chatroom). In between meetings the chatroom is also available 24/7.

Al-Anon also offers meetings by telephone conference call, called the phone bridge. I believe the phone number to the general info line is 1-712-432-8774. When it asks for a pin code, the number is 52639#. There is also a website that will give you a list of phone meetings, and that website is phonemeetings.org

Good luck to you, and thanks so much for posting. Keep coming back.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene