The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Miranda, hugs and prayers for you today. I am nearly out of my marriage, too, and I my STBXAH seems to be a lot like yours, just without the girlfriend. It's sad and yes, I do feel compassion towards him. It's hard though, when he pushes my buttons and tries to get me to engage. Life moves on and you're progressing beautifully lady! Thinking of you today!
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Thank you ladies it feels good in many ways
But i will be a lot happier when i get my
own place. I keep waiting for the other shoe
to drop. He has possession and i am Still here.
Patience is not the A 's way. I am fussy on
Getting an apartment. I need laundry in the
Building minimum. I want to be out of his
Stomping grounds. I really want to go no contact
To heal. This constant go around we play
Drives me insane. I can see, smell and feel him
And his presence because we both use the property
But try not to overlap or speak. All on a 1/3 acre.
It drains me mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I still feel like a wife and i have a very strong
marital Bond too. That is going to take me awhile to
let go of and work thru. It has not been easy and
He has been gone for 10 months. I try not to beat
Myself up it does not help the situation.
(((HUGS))) Everything you are feeling is completely normal...and it only reflects what an aware person YOU are...and compassionate as well. You have shared a huge chunk of your life with him, so be gentle on yourself. I recently re-dug into the Al-Anon book called (something like) "Opening our hearts/transforming our losses" (I am also newly divorced although it was a long time coming, it still hurt like hell). I cannot put into words how much it helped me feel VALIDATED and "normal" given the chaotic/painful circumstances leading to my divorce. I would highly recommend it. It helped me go from weeping for two days and barely getting out of bed to "I got this!"
Look back at all you have been through and look ahead at that light at the end of the tunnel. Happiness lies ahead!!
I have read that book it is in our lending library.
i have read most of them. I have so much in my
Head but it is my heart and soul that seem to
Have so much trouble absorbing, learning,changing
And growing.
Its the deep personal stuff that you can not get
At. That's where God comes in because he can
If we are willing. My recovery has been very
Painfull but i keep at it. It needs to come out.
Yes i am so ready for the Healthy happy pain
Free me I keep hearing so much about :)
I'm glad you can finally close the book on that chapter of your life. I found once the divorce happened my feelings started to follow; it was positive not to be bound to a man who had nothing but contempt and spite for me.
Also it's awesome that there was a meeting for you straight afterwards, what timing indeed!
Sorting junk and apartment hunting sound like good distractions at least.
Hope you can take some extra good care of yourself right now. You do deserve it.
(((Mirandac)))
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Positive thoughts of healing and closure to you. I felt an enormous sense of relief when I left court after divorcing my crazy AH 8 years ago. Things are better since then. While we have a child together and thus talk almost daily, not being "linked" to him legally was such a blessing to me. Big hugs!!!
Thank you both for your kind and understanding replies. I am still in a bad place emotionally. Going To divorce care tonight.
I looked at an an apartment today, it was very small and way too much Road noise. It left me flat feeling. I will Keep looking. There is a Shortage of good rents. I keep beating bushes and networking.
I am fussy, anxious and upset. Once i get a plan in place I will feel so much better. These are all things i hate to Do move, organize and get rid of stuff. They always fill Me with dread. Now no plan and the ex chomping at the Bit. I have not heard from him yet but fear is lurking.
I am calling and hopefully seeing another apt soon. The lady Wont be out till end of june. I have been by it but not in it Yet. Need to Set it up with tenent. It has a washer and two bedrooms. Outside just okay, good landlord, quiet, 3 unit,up And down stairs, includes heat. Hopefully that the one! Its more than i want to pay but if it fits the bill i am game.
Friends keep telling me to get out asap now that he has Possession of the home. I can move temp somewhere and Comeback, its not ideal situation. I would like to be gone By the end of this month for my own mental health.
-- Edited by Mirandac on Sunday 17th of May 2015 10:27:54 PM
