The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my significant other who I will refer to here as Steve has been an alcoholic for our entire relationship. We just had our 22 year anniversary of being together. We are not married but we might as well be. I have finally reached the end of my rope. The Saturday before last he had a major meltdown and was screaming and beating up the house and threatening to kill himself. 911 was called and they came and took him away for psychiatric evaluation. They wanted me to come get him the next day and I refused because I have had enough and I didn't want him to come back home. I am done with the constant verbal abuse and juvenile behavior that I have been subjected to for all these years. We are still right in the middle of redoing our kitchen because of a leak that required us to tear up a quarter of our subfloor and replace it. We needed new appliances and new countertops anyway but we really weren't financially prepared so we were going to do all the work ourselves. Steve is a handyman and is doing most of the construction himself. I am not in a good financial position with or without Steve. When he had his meltdown the kitchen wasn't even functional, I had no sink, I had no stove, the new floor was still in the packaging, and I had no place to prepare food. When Steve and I finally talked I told him that I couldn't take it anymore and that I was basically done with him since he didn't seem to have any control over his abusive behavior or drinking. He begged me to at least let him get the kitchen in a condition that would allow me to use it. I told him that he could come over and work on the kitchen as long as he didn't drink, he agreed. We basically had an agreement that he could be at home if he didn't drink. He did pretty well for a few nights but then he couldn't handle it anymore and had to drink and so slept in his van that night. Then he did good for a few more days, but then last night he had to have a few beers and started in on his abusive behavior, I asked if hed been drinking and he said yes. So I told him to leave, and he did, not happily. I have no idea where to go from here. He just called, he has no money for gas and wants to come over and talk, so now I'm transferring $20 into his bank account so that he can come over and talk. I don't even know what to say anymore. He's using the kitchen as an excuse for not getting help. I need him to get help.
-- Edited by JukuVee on Thursday 14th of May 2015 01:57:11 PM
I neglected to add that part of our deal was that he go get help. He could have gone right into a rehab facility from the psych ward but he refused. He promised me he would go get help but it's been almost 2 weeks and he still hasn't. He says the kitchen is more important to him right now. I don't think it should be. It is at least functional right now
-- Edited by JukuVee on Thursday 14th of May 2015 03:49:12 PM
Hi JukuVee, welcome to Al-Anon. I identify with the insanity of an alcoholic's behavior, thanks for your share. The thing that helped me the most was hearing that I am powerless over what the alcoholic does, and that I am not responsible for his/her behavior. That was a relief for me to hear, to focus on what I can control which is my own life and behavior.
Please keep coming back. Everything said here is a suggestion, based on the experience of whomever is sharing. You are free to take what works for you and leave what doesn't for your own life. There are meetings twice daily seven days a week in the chatroom, one being later today at 9p ET. Glad to have you with us.
Welcome to MIP and thank you for sharing - I'm sorry that you are going through this.
Are you able to attend face to face Alanon meetings? It helped me a lot to feel the love and acceptance of Alanon in person and meeting others who have shared similar journeys helped me to realise that I wasn't to blame for all the craziness.
I like the boundaries that you have drawn with your partner - If I might voice a personal opinion, I think that your kitchen might take a very, very long time to finish if he is using it as an excuse to do that first before going and getting help. I went for two years without a kitchen sink while we were renovating our home - there is something quite nice about washing the dishes in a tub outside, but it does get wearisome after a while!
I reached the point when I had nothing more to say, mainly because I had said it all before. We don't have to have those long drawn out and complicated conversations - once I even simply said 'I have nothing to say.'
Welcome to MIP Jukuvee It is great that you reached out and found us. You are not alone.
I understand that you will have difficulty attending face-to-face meetings soo here is a listing of our online meetings are held here twice
Morning Meetings
Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST
Sat. - Sun at 10am EST
Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.
Night Meetings
Mon-Saturday 9PM eastern time
Sunday 7PM eastern time
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease over which we are powerless. we all attempted to argue, fight engage with the disease and have failed.
Al-Anon is a fellowship of people who have lived with the disease and it is here we each learned how to take care of ourselves in a constructive fashion while dealing with the insanity of alcoholism.
. Living one day at a time, not worrying about the past and the future, focused on my own well-being and myself, sharing with other members, trusting a higher power, all helped along the way.
