The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
20 year old AD living here at the moment. Repeated lost jobs due to alcohol abuse and whatever else? My dilemma is this. We have cut off all money, have sold some things in storage to recoup money lent that was never repaid. Have drove her around repeatedly job hunting etc when she has no gas. We live in a rural area so bus/walking not an option. I feel resentful because on one hand I want her to have a job and move out, on the other hand I know until she is in recovery she is going to keep on doing the same thing losing jobs etc. I feel like it is a big waste of time and resources yet if she gets a job and I refuse to get her there until first paycheque then there is no hope. I hate enabling in any way yet I feel caught. I feel like I am constantly forcing solutions which prolong the inevitable. I believe she is a long way from recovery yet. Major denial, plays the blame game when things heat up. Otherwise while staying here she has respected boundaries of no drinking and is pleasant and does what I ask of her around the house and then I get sucked in to believing that this time it will be different.
Serenity I do so understand Please try to increase your meetings and sharing here, You are powerless over people, places and things and Alanon defines insanity as doing the same thing and expecting different results It certainly sounds as if you know just driving around looking for jobs is just an exercise in futility as she has no means of getting to the job when/if she is hired and she is not in recovery.
Since she is not drinking in your home this might be the perfect time to talk to her about other options that might work. Getting her own apartment applying for social services, etc. Meetings will help you detach enough so as to be able to hear the small voice within and your guidance.
