The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I started to notice around six months ago that ive become an emotional eater. Whenever I get upset, I reach for chocolate/ plan a morning around getting it. I have never had a lack of self control around food before, infact the opposite. I did a triathlon when my third child was 8 months old, and have always been a mindful eater. Until now. Shopping is also a problem. When I feel really really upset, I go shopping. Sometimes, I don't even mean to go shopping, but I somehow end up doing it. Ironically, my wardrobe is limited. Its gotten to a point where I feel bad about myself and am getting anxious. I feel rather unsure of how to change the habit. Has anyone else struggled with this?and any tips?
It's always balance. I'm either hogging out or exercising tons. I have to struggle to keep most things in the middle. If I don't succeed, I try and be relatively kind on myself. My behavior around that issue is not as harmful as drinking or past relationship choices/codependency. Lately, I am having to remind myself "It's an inside job" and to stop looking outside myself for what is going to make me happy. Bleh! It's so much easier to get fake happiness through objects, food, stuff than to have to do whatever inner work I need to do! LOL. Alas, we never become program grads. Progress not perfection. Always.
YES--this is a lot like me, too--I feel like I am one way or the other. I am a passionate runner doing half marathons and eating super healthy and then since February I have been late night munching out--having food in the house I usually would not (chips, etc...) and barely exercising. I feel so guilty about it (and I am putting on weight after being in the best shape of my life just last December!) I am trying to be gentle on myself and mentally hit the reset button (over and over...) I just keep working on it. It is a lot of emotional eating for me, I know--and feeling like I have ZERO energy going through a divorce. Ugh...hoping to get back on track this week. I usually say to myself, progress not perfection--as Pinkchip said!
My ex-wife. had a host of addictions including: alcohol, food, spending, devices, and the therapist suggested maybe sex. I don't think she had a sex addiction but I think sex was closely tied to self-worth for her and I believe that in itself is kinda screwed up.
The book our therapist had us read on sex addiction suggested that before addressing this problem, other more conventional addictive behavior had to be addressed such as alcohol/drugs, food, and spending. I liked this. I got the impression as an AA outsider that sometimes, while trying to stop drinking, it became okay to turn to coffee or cigarettes. My ex's sponsor was a chain smoker. I think it's debatable whether use of coffee or cigarettes is any better than alcohol and the fact that it's even debatable means, to me, that it's not a good idea.
I believe my ex's addictive behavior stemmed from childhood physical abuse, sexual abuse, and from having parents that were hooked on alcohol and/or prescription drugs. Maybe, in order to get all addictive behavior under control, the source causes need to be addressed to better understand where the urges come from.
I also think it's critical to realize and completely own responsibility for the addictive behavior. This is where my ex failed. Up until the very end she was blaming me for things. She never looked in the mirror and fully realized the great extent to which her addictive behavior ravaged and destroyed our marriage. I'm quite sure that proper execution of the [12] steps will nip this one [accepting responsibility] in the bud pretty good.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 17th of May 2015 07:22:07 AM
I am a double-winner (AA & Alanon) and have learned through step work and self-assessment that I tend to be an 'all or nothing person'. Balance and moderation are very difficult for me and this applies to most things in my life.
I have worked tirelessly to substitute healthier choices when I am faced with reactive ideas (emotional eating, compulsive shopping, etc.)
It is a conscience effort, and gets easier with practice. I have come to love smoothies instead of cookies and the like.
I try to take a walk, go for a run, lift weights, read a book, volunteer, etc. when I want to go shop/spend.
For me, I use the steps to confront any behavior/obsession that is affecting my life in an unhealthy way.
One day at a time.....make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think after spending a lot of years being wrapped up obsessively in the lives of our A partners, it takes a good long while to stop looking for replacements. For me it was excessive sleep binges and then constant mindless internet use. And cheese and crackers to an unhealthy extreme. I kind of told myself not to worry too much about it because it would surely settle down as I got used to a new drama free life. And it is; better, healthier habits keep installing themselves in my life and the poorer habits fall away.
Be kind to yourself!! I imagine you are grieving in more ways than one right now. It's a process and I salute you for having the courage to go through it.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I've taken happiness is an inside job as a mantra, thanks pc. I feel so relaxed to be reminded of the all or nothing mentality we share and try work on. So thanks all very much.
Yeah, me too. My wife and I just had a huge argument over how much exercising I am doind while she is facing a crisis in her new job, and I just ignore it and its effects on our family. I'm trying to make up for last year, when I barely lifted a finger for exercise because we were selling/packing/moving/unpacking/decorating houses. So I wanted to try a triathlon for the first time this year. Of course, now that we've had the argument, my mind wants to completely stop all exercise, got donuts to bring to work this morning. etc. That will show her, won't it!!
Geesh, yes, happiness is an inside job, and balance is hard...
I have to work at staying in the middle with this kind of thing also. I am either training for a half marathon or sitting on the couch with potato chips. I am conscious of emotional eating for sure.
I am a big emotional eater. I eat when i am bored too.
Those are very bad and unhealthy habits i need to break.
I know i do it for comfort but it helps nothing but to gain
Weight and cause me trouble. I feel powerless over it.
I keep hoping for a change in me when i move and to get
Active again and have more fun. I work too much now
To focus on the needed time for self care. I am trying
To work toward emotional and spiritual healing and
balance.
My life has become unmanageable i need to get off that
Path of unhealthy behaviors and ways. Work less enjoy
More. I was at home for 15 years so i now how to relax
And i had a good easy life during that time. But i still did
The emotional eating. Ah could not control what i ate and
He wanted a thin wife. I hurt myself and my marriage with
Those unhealthy behaviors.
I still need to change my eating. Cook healthy foods And eat
right. Exercise and play more. He has been gone 10 months
And those things still have not improved.
