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ive only been in al anon for 6 months, but i think at least a year before that I realized I could not assert control over my AH and a step kids drinking. I was desperate to control something and so focused on eating and fitness-- areas where I've often lacked self control. I've become quite militant in this area. Many days I feel like this is the only thing I have any conTrol over. Have any of you focused control in another area of your life? I'm not sure this is a good or a bad thing for me- probably a bit of both, but I'm curious as to whether anyone else has done similarly
I have gotten myself back into school and run a tight ship with my children, but I don't believe I have gone overboard at all. If that is what you are asking not sure. I wish I had a better self discipline over my diet and exercise regimen, but at this point I am way too busy to do anything more than what I am doing. I used to try to control my exAh like crazy, but somehow I have become very relaxed. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Totally. I have always been a runner, just 5Ks and what not, but once things got serious (as in, seriously horrible) with the AH, I started training for half marathons (honestly, a 2 hour run is so therapeutic) and also last year finally hunkered down on weight loss and was SERIOUS about it (counted calories for months and lost 25 pounds). I also can easily slip into workaholism honestly, which I think is less healthy.
My point, YES--my personality is one of control. I feel validated/rewarded/fulfilled when I reach a goal so I don't necessarily think it is negative. I like to set goals--I live by a check list of "things to do". Cleaning a closet makes me happy. So I think it is OK for me
-- Edited by sookie on Monday 11th of May 2015 09:06:20 PM
I never realized that was what I was doing but I had a bit of a eating disorder while with the alcoholic, it made me feel like I mattered to be thin and attractive- I would also go on cleaning binges when things got really bad and I was pretty controlling of work and tried to control family members, I don't "control" those things anymore... I've gained about 20 pounds lately (LOL)... so I know I need some balance in that area because that's more than I would like, I miss the days when I could drop weight in a matter of weeks if I needed to but KNOW it wasn't healthy, that and the stress eventually caused migraines that where 100% more intense than childbirth so I'll take it off healthy if I ever get it off.
I have recently lost about 55 pounds which is a lot considering I am only 4'10''. I have only recently discovered that I have done this to exert a feeling of control over SOME area of my life.
It's so strange as for fifteen years I wanted nothing more than my ah to stop drinking, get better and be happy. Once I turned the focus on myself, I have detached from him to the point that I no longer want to be with him.
I feel great in my new healthy body, but with these feelings of unfulfillment I feel more out of control than ever!
But yes I have definitely subconsciously done it for this reason. I think it's a good thing though :).
Hi Irish7 and everyone else, good topic. I have tended to delve into projects so as not to focus on other people's business. For me I suppose what would make it healthy detachment vs. control is the mentality I take into it. For me if I apply the steps and use prayer/meditation as I engage in my goals, it tends to feel like detachment and self-focus. If I don't, it feels more like an addictive binge to escape my feelings. That seems to be the differentiation in my experience. Good luck to you and thank you everyone for sharing your personal experience.
Thanks, everyone, for sharing e/s/h on this subject. I suppose taking charge of diet and fitness isn't the worst thing we could be doing I've managed to let go of asserting control in my dealings with the As in my life, and at work, and in friendships. I guess for now I've got to focus it somewhere, and focusing it on something that impacts only me seems like a good alternative!
