The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lately, I've been feeling kind of low. Lots of memories keep breaking in my mind, good and bad, and I'm having a hard time controlling them. I feel like I need to make big decisions but not sure about it.
The recomendation is to go to ftf mtgs and make
No decisions for 6+ months unless there is abuse.
We need to work on ourselves to make ourselves
healthy And make good healthy choices. Also get
Emotionally strong. We get beat down with the
disease.
We get as sick as they are but in a different way.
Thats where the growing, changing and learning
Come from. It all takes time, most of us ended up
In alanon or AA when we hit rock bottom. I know
I did and my ah was dry.
It takes a awhile. You start to work on you
Thru alanon. Face, love and care for yourself.
God will prop you up as you go thru recovery
You need to do Steps one two and three
Which means willing to hand over your self
will. No more trying to control the situation.
God is in charge not you. Its not easy but
Once you do it is very freeing.
You are the only one that can change. Maybe
Your aw will change and grow herself but that
Is her journey not yours.
There are no guarantees here. I am getting
Divorced not my choice but it is what it is.
God loves me as i am i will be okay.
God, you and then everyone else comes after-
Ward. That is the way it should be. We get
All mixed up with this disease and the dysfunction
That it causes.
Yes hillyard, if you really work the program (ideally with face to face meetings and a sponsor), you do eventually feel you will be okay no matter what.
It all takes time to get there, there is no quick fix.
We need to learn so much about the disease And
us. How to protect ourselves from the Effects of
the disease. It really is all about self care, self
Love and self acceptance with the help of your
higher power. Be gentle with yourself.
Ever read the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews? Do you attend face to face meetings or have a sponsor? I found it very helpful! Sending you love and support on your journey!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Hi Hillyard I can certainly identify with your confusion. I've just returned from a Step 3 meeting and it is interesting to note that we all focused on the fact that all that, Step 3 calls for is to make the decision to turn our will and life over.
Making the decision to do so and actually doing so are two very different things. We all seem to agree that, attending meetings, reading the daily readers, using the slogans all represented our willingness to turn our will over.
It is an important to move on to the other steps 4,5 etc. so as to clean out the negative tools that we have used in the past. Once this has been accomplished. Step 11 makes sense. We can pray only for knowledge of HP's will and the power to carry that out and mean it.
You are doing fine. Talk to your sponsor, make gratitude and asset lists and that represents turning your will over.
I remember feeling like I couldn't "work on me" while I was with the A because he was so good at emotional abuse. Sucking me in, pulling away at just the right times to suite his purposes... I wish I could have gotten stronger before making in big changes...
I think, if I could have worked the program before we split up then maybe I could have hit the ground running with my new life, as it was I went through a couple of years of depression and craziness even after we supposedly "broke up" we went back and forth which was just more emotional abuse... anyway... get strong for you as best you can as soon as you can- in person meetings will help you with how- and you don't have to work the steps "perfectly" to benefit from them... progress not perfection will help a lot (((hugs)))
Hillyard, I am feeling the same way you are, this topic is very helpful to me as well. I am working the steps trying to let my HP guide me and using the tools to take care of me and the future will present itself in due time.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
It's a process. It takes time. You can't work through memories and past situations in a second, it takes time and reflection. Keep your chin up and know that the end will be worth it, but getting there can be rough. I'm much stronger emotionally than I was a year ago having been through F2F meetings and been on here a lot,and very slowly working the steps. There are so many things, and I am taking so much time, I haven't really hit step 3 yet. Steps 1 and 2 have given me so much hope and strength, and have brought up so many self-realizations. And so have staying on this forum.
The steps are a recipe for living. None of them are really a 1 time event. We work them so we can live them. So there is a way to work step 3 and move on to step 4. But...there is also a process in step 3 where you have to constantly remind yourself to turn things over. It gets easier. You are not doing it wrong. What you stated is normal.
As Pinkchip said, the steps are not a one time event. I have to diligently work steps 1-3 every single day. I say to myself, "I can't, God can, and therefore I'll let Him." That is how I sum up the first 3 steps every day. It takes practice so please don't get frustrated with yourself or with the program. It didn't take you overnight to get where you are and to get out of the mess you're in will take time, as well.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I am having a similar experience--although I just got my divorce papers two weeks ago after being separated for 4 LONG/PAINFUL years of lost dreams/shattered hopes. I spent the last two days crying all morning and finally called a friend this morning. I needed to be reminded of how I got here--what I went through, the chances I gave him, the opportunities he had to make amends but didn't, the work I have done on myself and the better place I am in now, and the time I spent mulling over and over this huge decision. I didn't act on a whim and I clung to hope--paralyzed with fear in many ways. I prayed every night for a sign from God that would just tell me what to do.
Eventually, I did just know--and the time was exactly right for a number of reasons. (Including that the divorce papers came right before I had time off from work--so I could lay around crying for 2 days. What a true blessing. LOL!)
Right now I am trying to accept that the dream is gone, and that the person I thought I married didn't permanently exist anyway--he was only there sometimes when he wasn't drunk (and only part of the time even when he was sober). It is hard to accept--I have gone back to steps 1-3 about a hundred times since coming to Al-Anon almost 5 years ago. Every time I am just grateful for the program. It helps me move forward, even if it is slow...
It helps me to know that people not only survive what we are going through--they begin to LIVE, LOVE and be HAPPY! It still hurts like hell and these last two days I feel like I have a hole punched in my chest...even after all this time...but I am still grateful to be here.
