The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Struggling lately. I am now divorced. The paperwork arrived in the mail a few weeks ago. It has been a long time coming. My ex-AH moved out over 4 years ago and I held on to hope for most of it that we would figure it out and make it work. But it just kept churning and cycling and I couldn't do it anymore. Now that it is done, I am left to pack up his stuff. He never took much with him when he moved out. It is agonizing to me. I just spent half an hour separating his shoes from our coat closet.
I am overwhelmed with the feeling that we had it all going for us--beautiful house, stable job, two amazing children....and yet, he chose alcohol, BEER, over us. I know that is oversimplifying something very complex and that in reality, he didn't "choose", but God help me, that is how it *FEELS*. I am praying for the emotional pain to ease up. This just sucks.
Haven't posted much at lately as I am separated from my AH and the divorce settlement is in the final stages so this alcoholism issue isn't front and center in my life anymore. Thank God! But I so related to your feelings about the successful life that you had achieved being thrown aside for alcohol but also trying to remind yourself that they are sick. Anyway, I know that I am going to be facing the same emotional task of going through a home with 30 years of memories stashed inside in a few weeks and just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I'm right there with you.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
It does suck. But you chose survival, acceptance, moving on....you chose to swim instead of continuing to sink. To me, it seems like you have made some difficult, but brave choices. It's a difficult adjustment to let go fully. Don't miss opportunities to give yourself props. You deserve it. Self-affirmations are not cheezy, not stupid, and not conceited. I used to think that. Nobody else will give you the same kind of props that you can give yourself.
kudos to you and your bravery. ah finally got his liscense back after 1 1/2 yrs and he bought a car. at first i thought things will be better as he can drive me where i need to go again but his attitude and verbal abuse stinks. still trying to figuire a way out for me. i am religiously going to alanon face to face meetings and here etc. Sometimes all of it[even alanon] proves to be too much. gotta get away
It helped me to remember that I had to pass through this stage,, because turning back would only mean I had to face this stage again and again and again. Because the "change" I was hoping for was not in my power to make happen and hoping he would see the light was only hurting me over and over.
