The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just found y'all yesterday... went to last nights 9:00 meeting, been reading these posts.....I have an A daughter who admits she's an A, she's married to an A who doesn't admit it. I let her call me all hours of the night and listen to her drunk ramblings. Nothing makes sense. I get the feeling from posts on here that maybe I'm enabling her. She says don't go to Al-Anon they will tell you not to talk to me....you're my only friend. Last night she was crushing Xanax (says it works faster) and chasing it with vodka. End of conversation.... go to sleep Mom, I'm just gonna drink until I pass out on my front porch. WHAT????!!!!! Go to bed daughter !!!! This Mom's heart is heavy. I hope the chest pain I'm feeling is just stress. Please God let me know if it's serious. Her Dad says Honey we have to prepare ourselves for her death. If I lose her I'll lose part of my heart. How did this happen? What do we do? She lives 8 hrs from us. Thank you for listening.
Sounds like she might be reaching out for help? but Al anon is about taking care of you, so I'm not sure that is the correct response? Seek direction from someone who is more sure than me.
You ask if your to "blame" that is such an ugly mean condemning word so "blame" I would say no way!! Alcoholism is a disease or condition that a person suffers from we try to remember we didn't cause it, we can not control it and we can not cure it.
If there is something you can help her resolve than so be it, but you can not control this, she will ultimately make her choice to get well or not.
Right now how are you going to take care of you and do the best you can with the information you have now... if I didn't stay focused on my best course of action NOW, I'd go crazy worrying about my mistakes with my daughters and that is not a productive or healthy path and gets in the way of my higher powers plan for my life.
-- Edited by glad on Friday 8th of May 2015 09:32:30 AM
Dear Worried Mom I can certainly identify completely with your anxiety, concern and fears. Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive disease over which we are powerless. We did not cause it, can not control it and cannot cure it. The best we can do is learn how to take care of ourselves as we interact with the alcoholic
Alanon saved my sanity and life. It certainly did not tell me to not speak to my son, but gave me new constructive tools to interact with him in a positive life-affirming fashion. I no longer had to sacrifice my time or sanity to prove I loved him
Quite contrary to what your daughter suspects Al-Anon fifth tradition clearly defines our mission statement we are here to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the 12 steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding are alcoholic relatives and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
Please keep coming back and search out face-to-face meetings. You deserve it
Al-anon will not tell you what to do. It will help you learn to take care of yourself which in turn MAY help your alcoholic.
go to meetings.... keep going.... i walked in there all angry and frustrated. They said "keep coming back" I said "this is Bull" but I kept going back.
I met with my sponsor yesterday and we had a good laugh over how against this I was and how I have changed over the last 4 months....
You are not to blame. This is not your fault. As we say you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.
take care of yourself that's the best way to help her.
__________________
-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
I am sorry that you are going through this Worried Mum, it is a ghastly disease.
No you are not to blame - and anyway, how can blame possibly help you or your daughter?
Alanon has helped me to look after myself and I have never stopped talking to my husband - except when it has been in both our best interests of course! There are quite a few times when I've thought to myself that I want to be healthy, strong and happy when my husband stops drinking so what can I do now to ensure that I am in a good place when that happens?
My husband chose to drink and then drink chose him. He then chose to cut drink out of his life, and that was a very difficult thing to do. He did not need to worry about me while he was going through that process (in fact he couldn't anyway!). And I think it was helpful if I didn't worry about him. Having the confidence that he could do this thing was the best gift that I could give.
Welcome Worried Mom! We all came here with the same questions. You're in the right spot. Alanon meetings would be a good place to start. We're not to blame for their diesase. We learn that we're powerless over their diesase and detach with love. She has a Higher Power and it's not you. Sometimes, the best we can do is stand on the sidelines and wait for them to wave the white flag and ask for help. Until then, we just slow the process down.
We then turn the focus to us for our sanity and peace of mind. Sometimes, by us getting well, others around us improve also.
There are quite a few times when I've thought to myself that I want to be healthy, strong and happy when my husband stops drinking so what can I do now to ensure that I am in a good place when that happens?