The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the fan is hit. I decided to finalise the seperation by moving things to a more formal process. We had been doing an arrangement where the ah would come for weekends or when he was feeling down. For my part, I was hoping we could move into a friend ship type role, but I must have been having some kind of flashback to the days of smoking hooch lol. It didn't seem to much of an imposition to give up my couch for the guy. But I conveniently forgot I was dealing with an alcoholic. Anyway, when reality knocked, i answered and on what would have been our anniversary, i finally told him he cant come back here. I'm glad i got the chance to see that friendship (we don't sleep together) isn't an option between us, and i don't want it. Mostly because I see now that even undrunk the guys a b***. And whatever I thought we had was a lie. As I've gotten stronger, he's gotten more controlling and emotionally abusive. And I just think lifes too purposeful to waste on shallow drama that serves no point. I am uncomfortable to recognise a sense of abandonment. Luckily my mothers here for a little while and so I have support and companionship
but gee how many breakups does she have to nurse me through? Though its different this time. Id rather enjoy my time with her (she is soooo beautiful) than dwell on this. He's said he won't go to court for the kids, and I should find them a new dad. Far out: I loved this man? Really??! So yes. Bit emotional, trying not to be, grateful,scared,excited. Glad I'm here.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 8th of May 2015 06:17:27 AM
A41--- Difficult decision I am glad you are here and taking care of you.
Coming out of denial and living in the acceptance of reality takes time and effort
Please keep coming back.
A41, it takes courage to do what you're doing. Ultimately, you are helping both him and yourself by doing the healthiest and sanest thing. It's hard dealing with feelings of abandonment but there's a good chance of investigating those feelings and making helpful discoveries when you have more peace of mind. I wish you all the best.
Sounds like you're heading in the right direction A41! Good for you moving on and taking care of YOU. The right decision is not always easy, we've been known to make the wrong ones out of fear for far to long. Sometimes God adds by substraction. You've brought God into the picture. Let's see what He/She has planned for you. No relationship is better than a bad one. We outgrow people in This Program. That's the reality of us getting well.
thank you all. I felt calmed by the part about outgrowing a person. Maybe its the control side of my personality. I think abandonment is ridiculous on my part, because I'm never alone and really, it just means my magnets not working anymore. The alcoholic magnet that is. Yet still, divorce just in and of itself feels like a tragedy, even though I know the three cs apply. I don't want to give anyone the satisfaction of grieving over them, have to reframe that one. Thanks again and have a peaceful night all.
