A local shopping centre is running a Mothers Day competition where the grand prize is 2 tickets to Elton John. Oh yes please, my mum and I are both big fans.

The competition asks that you write 25 words about why your mum is special.

So I decided to tell my mother about the competition and asked her what she thought I should write, just for giggles. But it was a very interesting exercise in the end, to hear my mother's suggestions for why I should think she was special. 

Her suggestion was "She's always cashed up and she never tries to clean my house even when she REALLY wants to".

I can't not laugh. It was interesting to hear how she sees herself as a mother. I did have to point out to her that she was my mother long before she was "cashed up". Her financial wellness is recent.

It's nice how things are with her now, we talk nightly and I am very comfortable saying I have to go when I am busy as she tends to repeat herself a lot when she is sloshed at the end of the night. I'm not pointing the finger; I am a binge drinker by nature too but I won't talk to her when she is drunk, it's so irritating and she doesn't remember it anyway so it is pointless. My mother doesn't drink in what you would call a seriously dysfunctional way, she just gets sloshed after dinner and goes to bed around midnight and then gets up at the crack of dawn and gets on with being superwoman. Since she had gall-bladder surgery about a year ago I have noticed she seems to get much drunker and no longer remembers the night before. She's a happy drunk, she just repeats herself over and over. But her health keeps deteriorating and I can see so clearly the lack of sleep and alcohol are whittling away at her. Lately she and my sister drink together in the evenings and I can't help it, it bugs me. They start both messaging me on facebook at the same time and it's obvious they are plastered. When I stayed there a few months ago, one night they were sitting outside my window late at night calling out to me in silly voices and when I went downstairs they were plastered and wanted me to sit down and join them so they could make fun of me.  I felt good about just walking away and leaving them to it. Not my circus.

Anyway.

We had a scrap the other day and I was upset by it. Then my daughter came home from her fathers, as usual as rude as anything to me and my mother called to make peace and when I told her how daughter was behaving, she said very pointedly "Melissa I think we tend to unleash our crap on the people we feel safe with. Don't let her mistreat you, but take some comfort in that fact OK". 

I dunno what my point is. Its just, when I first started this process and started detaching and looking after me, I thought it meant I was going to have to cut the peanut gallery loose and say goodbye to my family, and it was that way for a while. I thought this was going to be a very sad and lonely path. But people adjust, my mum, her husband and my sister and oldest brother seem to mostly come to the party and meet me where I am now. Not to mention the really lovely things my mother has done for me recently or the fact that she and her husband come here once a month so he can cut the lawn and fix any odd jobs that need fixing. I really, really look forward to getting on a better financial footing and either buying a mower or paying someone to do the grass so that when they visit it can just be for social reasons but for now, while I am trying to pull it together on my own it's awesome of them. My ex-husband treats me differently too. He can still be an abusive jerk and he pays for nothing but he apologises when he is rude now. He doesn't have a choice; if he is nasty I just don't respond to him. 

I wonder where I would be without this program? Everyone didn't magically change when I decided to, but it seems the people that care about me and want to know me have made adjustments, in some cases big ones.

Pretty cool.