The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for may six talks about Step 5, which asked that we, admit to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. The reading goes on to point out that many of us are intimidated by this step because it means revealing our darkest secrets. These secrets we kept in our heart, which kept us locked away and isolated from others.
Finding a sponsor someone we can trust, is very important in this process. By having the courage to look inward and share with another human being we are finally taking steps to recover our true selves.
I have heard it said that Al-Anon is not a self improvement program but a self acceptance and awareness program. I found this to be very true. When I first worked this step. I was filled with irrational fear , just looking inward --afraid of what I would find. Having the courage do so in the fourth step was monumental then having to share what I discovered with another person extremely overwhelming.
How wonderful it felt to finally do this and have that person tell me that all of my" defects" were very human and that I was not terminally unique.
The quote is from As We Understood:" deep down I had a nagging knowledge that there would be no real relief from myself, until I could bring my problems out in the open and talk to someone else about them."
I am eternally grateful to alanon members for this opportunity.
Betty, I think the most difficult thing that I had to come to terms with about the journey was that I was not always interested in what another person had to say, another words, I felt that as a person I was extremely selfish when, while listening to another person talk, my mind would be racing on thoughts about me, and what I was feeling instead of forcusing on what that person was saying. What I discovered, when I admitted this defect, was that it was all about my fears. I was always a bit fearful and AH definitely capitalized on it with his verbal abuse, which made the situation for me even worse. I would stress about whether I was doing or saying the right thing and that mostly came from a very domineering and loud father and a mother who was far to submissive and suffered in silence to keep the peace. I was always so focused on my own fears that I was unable to really participate in my life or anyone elses for that matter!! Almost all of my fears definitely were from feelings of loss, abandonment and lack of self respect and loss of confidence. Since I found Al-Anon and the steps, MIP and started to rely more on my HP, that I have been able to lose those fears and become an empathic person who is more in control of her serenity and life. Knowing what is really in my heart, having confidence of that knowledge, walking away from the chaos, setting boundries, understanding that the disease is not within my control and that in order for the alcholic to feed their needs they have to have the chaos to justify the drinking, has given my life back and more!!
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I totally identify Debb!
One of the things I hated about myself before was that I just could not listen, no matter how hard I tried. My mind just wanted to look at me, what would I say next, how did I seem to the other person, I used to think I was utterly selfish and hated myself for it but as I work my way through it I have found, I was just so unsure of myself that I couldn't possibly trust myself with someone else's stuff! I'm getting good at listening now, I noticed it today when daughter and I walked our dog and she talked the entire time and I realised she does this a lot now, she just chatters on and on and I can actually hear her! It's magic, what a gift.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
