The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After reading the "Hope for Today, May 5" I went to read the slogans and I realized I think the best slogan for this new path in my life will be Listen & Learn. I am new to Al-Anon and am very excited to be able to participate in the online forum, as it is what makes me feel most comfortable. I want to share a little about the journey I am going through and if anyone has any advice for me or guidance in how Al-Anon can best be utilized in my life I would greatly appreciate it.
I am married to a man who after our 1st year of marriage became addicted to opiates. After much heart ache and work we were able to work through this addiction and get him help with a suboxone doctor so he could safely start on a road to recovery. However, in the processes his addiction veered to alcohol. It is 4 years into our marriage now and due to his addiction he lost his job a year ago. I have been doing my best to care for myself and take care of the responsibility of being the sole provide for our household. In December it became clear to be that I couldn't spread myself any thinner and I explained to my husband as much as I love him if things did not change I didn't think I would be able to continue in the lifestyle we were living. He took what I said to heart and by the turn of the year was going through alcohol DT. By end of January we had discovered I was pregnant. Things seemed to be looking up. However in my second trimester I lost the baby and my husband had a relapse. He is now back in counseling and starting to search for an AA group that will work for him. He is also in the process of finding a job. I recently went to a counselor and she said an online Al-Anon group would be something worthwhile to help me work on myself and move past the resentments I have for my husband.
I love him very much. And I genuinely want to be his biggest supporter as he is moving forward in his life, but I am really struggling with blame and resentment issues. I know he went through loss too and addiction is a disease, but I feel like at some of my lowest moments he was not there for me and yet he is expecting me to be there for him...These things are getting in the way of me trusting him and encouraging him with the good choices he is making. I feel so tired of being a support system to him. Its a struggle inside me every day choosing to be selfish and have pity for myself in my situation or to just let it all go and live in the moment. Any advice or encouragement would be wonderful.
I found it was a waste of me to take on the emotional support of the alcoholics in my home. I am much happier and more free when I focus on myself.
Alcoholism - well, addiction - is a progressive disease when the host does not embrace recovery. When they seek recovery, they will move heaven and earth to find sobriety. Their progress is their responsibility. Nothing I do or omit doing affects someone else's recovery.
My own recovery is my focus. I find the most powerful aid is attending and participating in face to face meetings. Working the steps with the guide of a trusted sponsor shed a much needed light on my participation in my acquired insanity. I found the way back. That said, I'm on this site a lot and it helps me, too.
((((Dee)))) at this point it is normal where you are at and it will take everything and more that Jill suggested from her own experience to help that change for you as it has for very many of us also. When you go to the face to face meeting and it is at its closing you will hear the statement/suggestion "If you keep an open mind you will find help. This suggestion helped save my life. Keeping an open mind is about sit down, listen, learn and practice, practice, practice for me. I pray the open meetings work for you as well too. Keep coming back here often also. ((((hugs))))
Welcome Great slogan and one of my favorites as well.
Attending alanon meetings and sharing here will help you learn to be a powerful support system for yourself.
Being able to nurture ourselves with healthy tools is important Regaining our ability to respond and not react our self esteem and self worth becomes restored as does our ability to make important choices .
Thank you Jerry and Hotrod. I already feel a sense of relief participating in the forum and morning chat meetings. It is such a blessing to have a support system. And amazing to me how much all of you care for each-other even when we know so little about each other.
Welcome to you Dee, you will find that by working the 12 steps in the Al-anon program, coming on this forum and reaching out to your HP, that you will definitely be able to work out those resentments.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
For me, I find that every day is a fresh start for me, and that showing up and practicing (not perfecting) recovery is the best thing I can do for myself.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
