Confusion - Al-Anon Family Group

Hillyard · Veteran Member

Confusion

Hillyard · Veteran Member

What I find troubling the most is the weakness I feel when I think about her. The fear of her leaving me and finding someone who wouldn't care about her drinking. That's so messed up and shows such a lack of self confidence.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Alanon recovery is for the person who lives with the disease and is adversely affected. It does not matter if the alcoholic drinks a great deal or not-- what counts is how we REACT and feel.

Alanon tools helped me to live life in my home, with my FOO and out in the world with courage, serenity and wisdom.

I took the focus off others and started each day to focus on myself and what I needed to be sane. Fear of abandonment will leave Please read the attached link it points out all the benefits of working program alanon.activeboard.com/t52247626/the-giftspromises-of-alanon/

Hers is a small excerpt

If we willingly surrender ourselves to the spiritual discipline of The Twelve Steps and work the program, our lives will be transformed. Members work their program by being willing to attend meetings on a regular basis, reading Al-Anon/Alateen literature, getting a sponsor, working toward applying the 12 Steps of recovery to their lives and by becoming involved in Al-Anon Service work as they begin to recover.

1. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
2. We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.
3. Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth
4. Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.
5. Our lives, no matter how battered and degraded, will yield hope to share with others.
6. We will begin to feel and will come to know the vastness of our emotions, but will not be slaves to them.
7. Our secrets will no longer bind us in shame.
8. As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.
9. With dignity we will stand for ourselves, but not against our fellows.
10. Serenity and peace will have meaning for us, as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with G-ds ease, balance, and grace.
11. No longer terrified, we will discover we are free to delight in lifes paradox, mystery, and awe.
12. We will laugh more.
13. Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Ah yes, reality. It is a painful, discovery process, but a very important one. The only way I can recover is to let reality in while I work in alanon. When I stayed in denial I became as sick as my A, just in different ways. I got sick of being sick! Lyne

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Irrational fears of abandonment are truly a prison. I accepted nonloving, nonaffectionate, and unhealthy relationships out of low self-esteem and fear of being alone. I thought a bad relationship was better than no relationship. Knowing that I am going to be okay on my own has allowed me to have more mature and healthy relationships. I also know now that I have to derive joy and satisfaction in life from multiple sources. It used to all come from romantic partners. That was a set up to get mistreated because I was underdeveloped and needy. I now have exercise, my career pursuits, my spirituality, my hp, my program, and my own friends. My identity isn't so tied to my spouse. Throughout this process, my boundaries have improved because my confidence has improved. I'm not a scared prisoner in relationships. I participate in relationships that compliment the healthier version of me that I have worked for and cultivated.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.