The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AW and I both feel that we want to start socializing with others more, have people over, etc. I am very afraid about this. I don't want the socializing to center around alcohol. We went out with a few couples from her work and she got drunk each time. We are attempting to get more involved with a church we just started so hopefully we meet some dry couples. I hate this. I want friends over too for bbq, bonfires, etc. But I don't feel comfortable socializing with her and others if alcohol is around. I'm beginning to feel like I have the emotions of a 10 year-old child. Always fearful. We have no friends anymore from the past. Lots of broken relationships. It's quite sad and depressing.
Once you become aware of, accept, and take action on our first step, you will find a lot of that fear melting away. Not all of it, but enough to not be paralyzed. It's a process after all.
Once you know that you are powerless over alcohol, then you will be able to accept whether or not to go to the neighbors, and not care if there is alcohol. We ended up keeping a lot of secrets about my wife's "problem", which just prolonged the pain and suffering for everyone. I was ashamed of her, but I was much more ashamed FOR her. Once I figured out that I couldn't be anything for anybody - she had her own shame to feel, which I found later was far more than I had for her - then I was able to let it go. If she made a fool of herself, that was on her, not on me or my son. And I couldn't keep her from doing it. All I could do was to refuse to go where she would make a fool of herself, so I still couldn't keep her from doing it.
I remember going to a friend's house on, one where there was always plenty of booze being serve. i was scared as heck that she would start drinking and get out of control. To my surprise, even though our friends aske d mer nay times if she was sure she didn't want another glass of wine, she said no. I hugged her as we left, I was so proud of her. But that made her incredibly angry, she felt like she was being nannied - and what adult wouldn't feel that way? They are adults, just with a disease that very few people understand and even fewer tolerate. that was a time when I started discovering that I had my part in it, and part of it was nannying her, and not accepting her.
Thanks for the ESH Yillyard, I had forgotten about that incident, and it is a good one for me to remember to keep me humble.
Love how HP works Hilyard The invite is perfect timing You can go , chat , drink a coke stay a while and if you get uncomfortable you can go home Use your alanon tools, stay in thee moment and listen for your inner guidance You are not alone
I understand your trepidation. We no longer socialize much because the A's, especially AH, get drunk and foolish. I socialize outside the house, and so does my daughter. I have my daughter have her friends over when the As are at work and sleeping off hangovers. But it does suck to not be able to host like I used to.
