I cut contact with my A biol father when my daughter was a baby, and with very good reasons. It was necessary to stay out of contact with all of that side of the family and that's mostly a good thing as they are unfortunately pretty messed up on the whole and crime, drugs and drama were just normal to all. So it has been more than 10 years since I broke off contact and about a year ago after my uncle died I did see that my biol father was on facebook and I sent him a message. Just that I was sorry about his brother, hoped he was well, I don't know why I sent it but I suspected he probably never checked his facebook anyway and he sure didn't respond which was a relief because I regretted it the moment I sent it...why invite the drama back into my life now? Trust me this person is very, very bad news. Anyway I had since blocked him so as to avoid the worry about one day finding an unwelcome abusive message in my mailbox and then forgot all about it. 

The only person I would really have loved to make contact with was my young cousin who was only a child last time I saw her, and in fact when her dad died she got in touch with my maternal grand mother just to ask that she let me know. My grandmother told her that she would pass on the message but she thought it likely I would not make contact because of my desire to stay clear of my father and my cousin apparently said she had expected as much but just wanted to let me know when the funeral was in case I wanted to go. My grandmother has since moved and changed numbers so that avenue of contact was then gone too.

So on Friday my grandmother called to say that my fathers mother had died (she saw it in the paper). And I've just found a message on facebook from that cousin who is all grown up with her own child now, just saying she thought she should let me know that my nanna has died and to let her know if I would like the funeral details.

So I replied just to let her know I was sorry for her loss and that I would pay my respects privately and that I hope she is well. Because I really do, her dad was a nice man and she seems like a nice person.

And then I thought nooooo, wait, is it HE that is asking her to make contact with me? Because there is no way on this earth she could have tracked me down on facebook unless someone gave her the name; ergo he must have read my message and given her the name so she could contact me as he cannot.

Don't know if I should kick myself for making that stupid attempt at contact with someone I had very wisely chosen to have no contact with ever again, or am I glad to have a chance to speak to my cousin? Sad that I never again spoke to my Nanna who would have been sad and hurt but then again the drama and insanity of that family was more than I could take....ugh. And now just waiting, waiting to see if I will hear anything back or if he will send a message via her...I really, really hope not

-- Edited by missmeliss on Saturday 2nd of May 2015 07:41:54 AM