The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, very new to al-anon. Question to ask, does anyone carry around resentment and if so how do they deal with it? It consumes me sometimes and although after a couple of hours I'll start reading my literature and feel better it takes me the couple of hours to turn to my literature. Will I always feel like this? Thanks.
Hi Erry!
I like to think I don't carry around resentment and then I find I do. The cool thing is, al-anon gives me so many ways to free myself from it that when I feel it coming out to bite me, thee are always tools I can use to manage it.
If you already start to read literature when you feel it coming out to bite you, then you are so on your way. Keep doing that! Its a "practise makes perfect" program. After a while it comes naturally, mostly. It sounds like you are doing a pretty fine job. Do you have a f2f meeting you can go to?
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
It takes time .. There is appropriate anger because that is a healthy response to an incredibly unreasonable situation. Now processing the anger is making sure I don't get stuck there that is where the unhealthy resentment comes in. I thought there was something really wrong with me until I listened to a man speak about his meeting on murderous thoughts .. It graduated the following year to what would you do with the body. This man is a priest and a double winner program wise. I was so glad to know I was not the only one who had that moment of wishful thinking that my xah's whiskey truck would spontaneously implode. Now I'm grateful for alanon because acting those fantasies out is not appropriate. My suggestion is when resentments are hanging around take a look at them do a step 4. I really get that resentments are about me not getting my way in the past. I just don't want to live there anymore. However anger is healthy and motivating based upon what I chose to do with it .. While learning to let it go. Hugs S:)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Welcome E I am glad you are using your tools and seeing that once you pick up the literature the issues seem to dissipate.
This program is a gradual process. I found that the more I used my tools, the more I attended meetings, the more the priciples of the program became part of my true self, the easier it was to let go of all my destructive habits. You are doing great
Resentments ran my life without me realizing it for many years. I had so many resentments and anger buried underneath it all, it was crazy. So, it took a while for me to actually work through them and for me to find peace. Working a step 4 with my sponsor was key and then praying, journaling it all out, etc helped me rid myself of unmanageable expectations of people and, in turn, this allowed me to release my resentments. It was a process, though, and it's not been an easy journey.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Realizing the resentments that I had was what drove mwe to Al Anon. My wife was finisihing her second rehab after her second DUI. Imagine the expense it cost our family. I had gotten a REALLY nice retention bonus when the company I worked for had been bought out that year. There were all kinds of things that I was hoping to use that for. Instead, it went into cash payments for an attorney, and rehab copays. And the amount of time and stress on our family... I was just pissed off about the whole thing, and she was coming home in a couple of days. What to do?
The counselor at her rehab recommended Al Anon. That was where I was able to vent, tell my sad stories, and start to feel like there actually *were* people around who understood me. Then I even got to grow past that, and it turned into a growth rather than a salvage experience. I remember the day I had a share that didn't involve my wife, I gave a little whoop at the beginning of the share, I was so happy that my attention had finally been put back on me!
I hope you keep coming back here, and that you can find an Al Anon face to face meeting! It did me so much good, and I'm sure it will you as well!
I love that you are brave enough to seek an alternative to resentment. I have found that having fun and doing things for myself on a regular basis helps me to let things go. When I have things in my life that are my own joy I don't obsess so much over the injustices (imagined and real) of life. Keep coming back!
Thanks for starting this thread, Erry. All the posters have helped me, too! I turned to Alanon recently because I had a sudden awakening after 22 years of leaving my xah that I was carrying so much resentment that I had not realized I had been carrying all these years.
I feel much better now that I am working on myself. I am filled with gratitude for the love and sharing on this forum and to my hp for leading me where I need to go. Sending you much positive energy, Erry.
