The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am an adult child of 2 alcoholics. They are both still active. I haven't spoken to them in a little over 2 years now. We were pretty close before so it has taken me this long to adjust to our estrangement. I came across some ACOA information through someone on facebook this week that has stirred some things up for me. I thought I was aware of all my issues and had a fairly good handle on them. After reading the laundry list and the problem on the website I realize there are still things about myself I'm unaware of or in denial about. It's unsettling. I want to find a counselor because I'm not comfortable in groups.
I'm aware of the community here and at face to face meetings but I still feel so alone with this. My sister who I thought understood me is no longer in my life because of what happened with my parents 2 years ago. I miss her so much everyday. It hurts so much to think of her. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without seeing her because we look so much alike. She abandoned me when I needed her and she doesn't want anything to do with me. I tried reaching out to her by email to explain why I made the choices I did regarding our parents but that made things worse. She never really heard from me what happened and doesn't want to and I know that's her choice to make but it hurts like hell. We always shared our struggles with our parents and were even in counseling about it together 7 years ago. I don't understand what happened and why she won't talk to me about it.
I've been able to let go of my parents but not my sister. I wish I knew what she thinks I did because I'm sure my mother told her things that are not true. I'm seeing now how consumed I still am with all of this even though I thought I was well adjusted. I think I just adjusted to being in pain constantly and now I'm ready for the next step in my healing journey. Not sure what that will be yet but I'm sure the universe will reveal it to me when it's time.
(((((Stargazer))))) God that tugs at my heart for you. I've been there somewhat and remain there somewhat still by choice. I was guided into removing myself from all things alcohol in early Al-Anon which included mostly my entire family and wife. ACOA helped me see the picture clearly and understand why as long as they practiced the disease an I was powerless over it I would stay away unless the mutual experience was necessary. When my Mom and then my Step-Dad passed, on both of the occasions, my near family of course used the events to drink to drunkedness and then practice the alcoholism war. I packed up and went home as practiced in Al-Anon and beyond distanced connections I don't physically place myself in their areas. Recently speaking with one of my nieces I see how deep the insanity goes and I am so grateful for program recovery. Its okay for me to be away from insanity. Sorry with you that you and your sister are disconnected...Acceptance is the solution to all of my problems.
