The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well it's been almost a month since the kids and I moved out. in so many ways it's better living on my own than with AH and I don't regret the choice BUT he hasn't said a word to me about anything besides when he sees the kids. No I miss you, I wish you'd move back, nothing. Like he could care less, just as long as he can be dad when it's convenient for him. I dont know how to not take that personally, I mean that little after 18 years to him? It hurts and I have to resist the urge to text him and ask what he's thinking/doing. is he seeing someone else already? Why aren't I enough? These are the thoughts swirling today and I can't get them to stop. I've never heard of the AH spouse not pulling all the manipulations and sweet words to try get them back Once they leave, what's wrong with me? I'm so embarrassed over this I haven't admitted it to anyone
This is still focusing on what he's doing, isn't it? And hanging our emotions on what's going on with them?
My A never had any of that sweet-talk stuff when I left. And truth be told, I was so co-dependent that I did all the second-guessing and stuff without any need for input from him.
Remember there were very good reasons why you left. Those reasons are still there. The fact that he's not responding as you'd like is evidence of that. He's still just as uncooperative, ungiving, and self-absorbed as ever. All the more reason to move forward in your own life, no?
Just keep your head held up high.Try not to take the disease
Personally. I realize its easier said than done when we have
Invested so much time in them.
I am finally getting over the constant feeling of rejection
from My ah. It takes awhile to get there. I still feel anger
and rage Toward him but my first go to emotion was rejection.
That Hurts deep at your core. Them not wanting or caring
about You.
I dont know why it finally left probably acceptance. I am
Very close to surrender but not quite there yet. I keep
Hoping for it after the divorce is final and i can have some
Peace from all this emotional turmoil.
Aloha Kerry...good to see you post again and then you open my recovery box and started going thru my own album which I am grate for the recovery memories I have when at one time I was in your shoes. I was in your shoes and had a great experience sponsor and he knew I wanted contact with my alcoholic/addict spouse and would tell me to remember the off button on the phone and phrases like "I'm busy now and cannot talk" even when I wasn't doing real estate business..."You're doing program business" I practiced. My sponsor knew that the Al-Anon member; me was just as prone to relapse as the alcoholic/addict and I forgot. I answered the phone call once after a year or so of "no contact" practice and she fed me my addiction. "We're having a Christmas Party at work and I would rather go with no one else but you...will you go with me"? (after no contact for over a year)...my instant response? (YES) (NO)? If you checked YES you know this disease and I went...and we relapsed...and I learned another thing my sponsor and the program was trying to teach me, "It isn't over 'till it's over". I was sick about how I behaved during the relapse (mine)...I threw almost everything I learned down the toilet except the routes to the meeting and that saved my life. There was no embarrassment involved because I was doing what was predicted in the way it was described until I wanted it so bad I didn't do it again. Stinking thinking ...being aware of it is so important...taking it out to the fellowship to give feed back and ESH on is within the definition of humility that I was taught. Humility = Being teachable. Mahalo for you post. (((((hugs)))))
