The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a young cousin. She is the prettiest, funniest, most adorable person that ever walked the earth. She is also about 12 years younger than me and a super-smart-ass. Did I mention gorgeous.
She sent me a message tonight, to tell me she feels angry, I am the only person in the family she trusts, she is angry people marginalise me for being a single mother. I honestly always thought she hated me, she is so "like whatever". She said all of this stuff, about who I am and what I do and said stuff like, if you weren't around I don't know what i would do, I've never had the guts to tell you, I think you are awesome"Wow, that blew my mind. She was on meth, well I already knew she was a meth addict. I gently suggested al-anon, she wanted to defend her mother and father. I love my uncle and aunt. I love all of them, it isn't anyone's fault. It's just there is lot of drinking and drugging in our family..
It was still so nice that she thought about me and my daughter and took the time to tell me, then again is that a meth thing. I don't have much experience with the drug. I felt really good that she had reached out to me however she said she was "on the gear" just for "one night" and I don't have a single clue what that means. In my day "on the gear" meant heroin.
I dont know what a meth addict looks like. My cousin is reaching out, she has been a casual party drug girl for years, suddenly she wants to be friends. She is a very functional working person. She also says she is a meth addict. Possibly everything she says is bullshit.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Your cousin is absolutely correct, you are a special person and I am glad that she validated it. Being powerless over others is also a gift of alanon. You suggested program to her and let it go No need to do anyting else. I would include her in my prayer list at night . I do that with my family and I feel as if I have done a great deal for them
Hmm I stayed up all night talking to her. Isn't it interesting that not much touches me but when someone says something nice to me I come unglued and don't know what to do, lol. I don't think anything is more stressful than when someone is nice and then I have to try to figure out why. I don't know anything about that drug so it sort of scares me.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Mostly mel, they will steal and hit you up for money....even if they have a job. Other than that, they stay awake for days when using. They appear like they are in a manic state. They start picking at their skin and may also get something called "meth mouth" which is where their teeth fall out. In the gay community they started calling it "Tina" in the early 90s and I still hear it referred to as such. It was a glamorized party drug. Now it has much less glamor attached to it and is seen for what it is: extremely toxic, addictive, and harmful.
Thanks Mark. She has been at it for years but she still seems very functional. I don't think she picks at her skin as she is absolutely stunning and tends to not wear much and there are no signs of damage. However she has aged very quickly, she's in her 20's and looks about my age. She also has never asked me for anything and I know she is very close to our grandmother and doesn't ask her for anything either; all you have to do is tell our grandmother you like something and she will sell a kidney and buy it for you. I'm not trying to dispute what you say, I'm just trying to get a picture of how the drug might affect her as she has said she would like to visit me and be closer. My gut tells me she is really, really trying to hold it together and be a decent person but at the same time manage a really awful addiction.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I am hearing alarm bells going off, Melly. Of all the people you'd want to become closer to in your new life, a meth addict is not one. I know you must feel pleased that she's finally acknowledging you, and she's such a cool person. And if you're like the rest of us, you probably look forward to "helping" her a little bit - reaching out a friendly hand, etc.
Hard to believe, but meth is even MORE destructive, chaotic, manipulating, and horrific than alcoholism. She probably means well and isn't actively calculating to manipulate you (although, who knows). But I'd imagine many of those who know her have now turned her away because of the insanity and deceit of the meth. So she is reaching out to new people, and she will reach out until she finds one who's friendly and doesn't know much about meth.
One reason we get into the pain and distress we do is that our "pickers" are broken and we don't filter people for addictions the way "normal" people do. We let the addicts in, and then the pain and distress begin. And when our lives are calm and peaceful, we may even be feeling the lack of chaos, which we're so used to. We may even open the door to it again because it feels exciting.
I hope you'll look out for some folks who have growth in their lives and who would welcome becoming firm and peaceful friends with a cool person like you.
Probably true Mattie. I do need to protect myself and it is possible I am seeking a new "project" to fix. Its easy to tell myself it's OK, its different, and this is not the same as before, But,
"Of all the people you'd want to become closer to in your new life, a meth addict is not one".
Its true. Do I think she has no-one else? What if she doesn't, what can I offer? I could enable the pants off her, would that help?
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Hey Mel ... I would tread lightly as well. It is hard to know how you are getting affected, however what I do know that any addiction somehow sneaks it's way more and more into your life. I view these as tests (practice) now from my HP ..... Just seeing if I can say no. It is strange a year ago I was getting a lot of them now I don't even really get them at all.
I have a nephew who was a Meth addict. They come across very charming, but he stole money and property to supply his addiction. He even stole money from his 89 year old grandma! Sure, he wanted to become friends with us again but I would not have it. He is not welcome in our house and I do not believe one word he says. Be careful.
Another way to think of it: what if an alcoholic from your family, one you didn't know very well, suddenly reached out to you? A "functional" alcoholic? (We all know which way the "functionalism" goes.) Would you think, "Now I'll get to know and help this person, because I bet their alcoholism isn't too powerful"? Or would you think, "Whoa, another person with the family disease, I'll be kind but I need to set up some healthy boundaries here, because I've been through this insanity before"?
There was a dear, wonderful member of my home group who has since passed on (cancer), who was a "double winner" with drug addiction. One of his many quotables was:
"God may have saved my soul, but NA saved my ass!"
Another keeper was, "I love each and every one of you, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it!"
The Steps help us. They can also help your cousin. Hugs & prayers.
My wife and I saw a LOT of meth when we were living on the farm we rented a few years ago. She was working as a PO at the time, and knew where all the meth houses in the community were. Meth is bad news. Really bad news. I saw mothers have their kids taken away because their husbands or boyfriends were making meth in the kitchen. And, the mothers were so hooked on the stuff, they didn't even see a problem with having kids around a meth lab, or begin to be able to make any steps to see the kids, much less get them back.
I am glad that someone in your family reached out. I am glad that you heard those words of support. I am glad that you mentioned AlAnon.
Maybe, thinking of her as 2 different people would help. Your cousin who loves and cares about you, and the meth addict who needs firm boundaries and to hit bottom so she can find recovery. The issue is just that these 2 people are inhabiting the same body, so the boundaries have to apply to them both.
Take good care of yourself.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Your cousin loves and cares about you for the reason that you don't put up with the family BS. If she really is a meth-addict, not putting up with her BS would be included I would think.
Or she could just be softening you up for money. Or softening you up to come over and steal something. They make the rounds through the mental rolodex just like alcohol addicts do.
Meth really is horrible, it is a big drug in midwest US because it is easy to make and highly addictive. It is so easy to make that we regularly have mobile labs arrested in parking lots of WalMarts and other places, even in the more affluent parts of our city. As Mark said, the side effects are also horrible. Pseudophedrin, an over the counter decongestant, is a main ingredient, so in Indiana you now have to ask for Sudafed at the pharmacy counter and they have to keep track of how much you got and report it to the authorities. There have been local celebrities get arrested for it here, and to look at their arrest picture you wouldn't know it was them. If she has been using for years, and gearing (around here it's called crankin') then I would expect that she doesn't look very good anymore, so something is inconsistent.
