The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Mirandac, your progress is amazing to me, when i think back to your early posts and now, your strength is shining through. Your tough. Your a good example to me because you acknowledge your grief, feel it but dont let it overtake and overwhelm you. Its like self acceptance at another level, something i struggle with. Im glad its all coming to an end and the beginning is the best thing ever i the world. It just keeps getting better and better. If i lived near you we could go out for a night on the town to celebrate.x
The emotional recovery i am doing is pretty intense.
I keep going back thru the years and facing and dealing
With the realities. I need to do it, its like cleansing of my
Soul. My soul is something i even forgot i still had, that
Is sad to say. Its what this disease can do to you.
I think finding God again with the help of alanon and
divorce Care really helped me in my recovery. I lost faith
and Trust and was not even aware of any of it. I also met
With a minister she said you have God trust issues. I thought
About it and worked on trusting God thats when i gave
Over my self will. Then i did little tests to see what would
Happen and God took care of me so i just follow along now.
It was very freeing experience.
Forcing my will with this terrible disease is heartbreaking.
I could not win no matter what i did. My ah just kept raising
the Bar. I hope for his own sake he finds true recovery one
Day. I love the man he use to be just not this person he is
Now so full of resentments and anger and much more. My
Head and heart have a hard time accepting this after his
Being dry for 30 years. I thought he had it beat it was really
Just undercover and in hiding lurking in his mind and soul.
Don't wait to be more social and a joiner. If those things are going to make you happy and fulfilled later, might as well do them now. Though I know you joined alanon and are one of the few that actually goes to a lot of meetings and such. So give yourself credit for that.
I had a life of leisure for 15 years that was great
And easy. I was busy and productive but plenty
Of time for walking in the woods with the dogs and
Friends and doing what i wanted when i wanted.
I work too much now and i know not enough fun
anymore In my schedule. I am not real social or
A joiner by nature. I am more hopeful of a change
In me when i live closer to more activities in town
And i will be alone also downsize my work load.
Actually i wish i had more time for meetings than
I do. Right now i could stand a meeting a day to
Help get me thru this. This emotional journey is
Pretty intense. I can not seem to focus well on
Getting things done at home. I can do the basics
But not much else. I talk a lot to friends when i
Feel needy and hurt to fill the void.
Miraac This is a difficult time so please remember to put :"First things First and keep amking yourself:"How important its it'? These all helped me keep showingup for the important things and freed me from worry about the future .
Remember when you are walking through hell just keep on walking.
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Hugs and prays go to you it will be okay I been there . It's a emotional ride but it will slowdown right now things are active wait and breath you will be fine . I'm still in my bind but letting it go to God will give you peace . One day at a time . I have faith in you . We are all family and support each other . Pm if you ever wanna talk . Take care of your self . Self care is needed for you right now
God bless
Thank you everyone. I just get so mad when i regress.
I was doing so well now i feel like a freight train hit me
All over again. I know the end is near and it would be
Very unpleasant for me. i will be fine enventually i am
Strong and I have much to be thankful for. I will probably
Thank God when i feel peace at last.
It has been terrible 12 years with him controlling, passive
aggressive, taking My power away as an equal partner.
I get mad at myself For my own powerlessness. Why didn't
i just leave him Or stop the bullying some how. Then things
got way Worse after he started AA. Basically he became a
Toxic husband and I am still trying to process all these things.
His family disease and the denials are very strong they are
Tight knit group.
I have to process the abuse or i wont heal. That really
Is the key word abuse. I struggle with that word alot and
What was real. I still am very traumatized From his behaviors
in the last 3+ years. A crazy monster Invaded my husband
body he was acting Like a crack addict. I know the reality is
he is still an Addict that is not emotionally sober with other
Issues.
Miranda, I understand where you are coming from. I had a life of ease for a long time, too, but now have to return to the work world on top of our already crazy homeschooling and tennis schedules. You will heal, I know you will. It will just take time. Sometimes things need to be taken one minute at a time instead of one day at a time. Sending you lots of hugs and love, my friend.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Thank you both. My head, heart and soul all talk
At me different. Intellectually i know if someone
wants out then let them go. There are honorable
ways to go about it though.
The worse to me is I never thought of my husband as
Immature or untrustworthy. It is the progression
Of his disease that i am really fighting plus how he
Was brought up to be an emotional bully by his mother.
Betweeen the disease and his mother, he can not deal
With his emotional problems as a normal person.
It takes all my will to stay out of my MIL Face.
She is an untreated codie, I use to think Of her
as a dry drunk now i know she is full of isms.
My ah would never really be honest about her
All The years we were married. We just kept our
Distance from her when our life was going well.
Alcoholism is truly a baffling disease of the mind
body And spirit and it effects everything it touches.
Thank you for letting me vent my frustrations.
I keep moving thru the pain and hurt as well as
i can. There is hope for a good full life ahead.
Mirandac my MIL used to drive me insane. I couldn't stand the way she enabled and babied my A, or the way she blamed me, or any of it.
About 6 months ago something just came over me when I was talking to her. I stopped her and told her I love and care for her but I will not listen to any more of her nonsense. And I haven't. Because I was honest with her and told her I feel she enables her son and refuses to see reality, she has not tried to contact me at all, not once. I don't believe I made any difference to her life, I am sure she just believes now that I am another "attacker" and a horrible person but I feel good that I finally said what I felt, and I said it with honesty and kindness and it is good to have that toxic relationship out of my life.
I highly recommend it. Is there a reason you have to be involved with her?
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
No melly i wont need to interact with her after this
Is all over. I hope to move 13 miles away so that
Will be less of a chance to see either of them.
My MIL and i dont speak now but we use to get into
It before my ah left. She states he is not an alcoholic
Anymore because he no longer drinks, that i was not
Being supportive of him and on and on. Complete
Denial of the family disease. She sweeps the elephant
Under the rug. She is a vicious woman if confronted
About any truths that go against her. She is filled with
the Disease to the brim just dry and not an addict.
