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So the weekend is coming up and i have to work, my brother will most likely be home with nothing to occupy his time with as there will be no classes. Im worried that he is gonna to go get drunk and come home smashed again. Which i know i shouldn't but how do i keep the focus on me and my work?
Think up some boundaries. "If you drink, I expect you to plan to stay at a friend's house." "If you drink, I will go to my room and don't want to interact." Whatever seems reasonable. These are not punishments but made for you to keep your sanity.
Those are things i have said to him but he listens when he is sober but when he drinks i goes right out the window. Its like he has a stick and im the bear and he wants to poke me to see what ill do
Then there are consequences for violating your boundaries. At some point, there has to be a level that is unacceptable and he has to go. Obviously boundaries are easiest when it's what you will do if he drinks and not what you expect him to do.
I guess I would just not bring it up. I would think of my own Saturday and making the best of my day. This will come up over and over and over again unless he decides to get into recovery or you no longer live with him. You can't control the alcoholism, can't reel it in with threats, rules etc. As soon as he drinks, he'll forget. Maybe make a plan for your own sanity. What will you do if you come home to something you were hoping not to come home to? It's all we have control over mybrotherskeeper, our response to it.
If you've got a sense of the kind of drunk he is, maybe safeguard your personal things and money before tomorrow if you think that will help to minimize your worrying.
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
can you plan something fun to do after work so that you won't have to be around him at all? Or maybe if you come in and he is obviously drunk, say you forgot something and turn around and leave...go see a movie? It's always so easy to give others ideas but I know the reality is always harder. Hoping all goes well and you have a peaceful weekend.
I understand that awful anxiety at the weekend. I still have it and noone has came to my home drunk for over 1 yr now. Its a horrible feeling and ruins days and weekends if we let it. I learned through working the program to remember i was powerless. I cant stop anyone drinkjng, the disease is bigger than me. I didnt cause it, cant cure it or control it. I also dont want to live in the future, so when im thinking about what might happen in a few hours or days i have completely lost touch with the reality of my life in the present. Im stuck in the what ifs, well what if not? For me, the here and now is where im happiest. It might be that doing something nice like a hot bath, a walk, a movie grounds you in the moment and helps get rid of the fear.
I learned to take care of myself properly. If someone comes to where i am and behqves badly, ie aggression, violence, vandalism, abusive then they have got to go one way or another. Ask them to leave, if they dont then call the police. Ive done it, its not easy but its the right thing to do or it continues and gets worse for years and years. Then i learned that i cojld trust myself to stand up for myself, my home, my peace of mind and thats happiness, fear goes, confidence grows. I cojldnt have done it without alanon meetings, steps, members. i hope you get the support you need at alanon.
It would be easier to remove myself from the situation should it arise but however i work anywhere from ten to twelve hour shifts and i dont get off till late so a movie is out. Great idea though but like you all been saying if it does come to it if he does cross the boundaries i have asked for then to show him this is unacceptable and disrespectful behavior i have to tell him to leave. For the sake of myself, my boyfriend and most importantly my kids because they do not need to be subjected to this disease. Thank you all for the suggestions and im gonna try not to think about what might happen and focus on myself and the bacon i gotta bring home :)
