The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Funny how quickly things turn sour when I drop my program.
I've not been actively doing anything alanon for weeks now, don't know where my readers are, no meetings, no daily anythings. Not on purpose, I've just let it slide. And it shows.
I've been quietly seething over my ex and his wife and their horrible words. (Why, they're just words).
Yesterday I had messages from A, saying basically because I wont make the effort to go and visit him he wants nothing to do with me ever again and so on. Hmm, OK, my reaction was to be hurt and perplexed and sad and I actually had to talk myself through a pretty low day in combination with the drama next door. Try as I might I coudn't stop feeling hurt, and as hard as I tried to not think about it I kept wondering was he right, had I been hurtful, unfair, dismissive (omg am I serious?). I went to bed quite sad about it. Ridiculous, I have seen him twice in 3 months now, we only speak on skype every 1-2 weeks, it shouldn't have that sort of impact on me but it did.
So today he called and I answered (why?) and lo and behold he was drunk and stoned and merry and wanted to babble on and on about a computer game. The issue being, I had allowed myself to become so upset and so full of self doubt because he had levelled his anger and accusations at me yesterday and then here he was as merry as a robin that sings on a tree, all forgotten. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Taking on other people's unhappiness is bad enough but taking on nonsense anger that isn't even meaningful to the angry person, well that's something I've wasted wayyyy too much of my life on.
Daughter came home from camp and when I collected her she was snippy and rude again and I started to feel really hurt and upset about it, I'm really, really not doing well at Qtipping right now!! She was fine and happy and her normal self once she had a bit of rest time and a shower and a good feed, she said she hadn't really slept, hadn't showered for 3 days and that the camp food had been pretty awful so she hadn't eaten much, once again, how did I manage to take it personally?
Must find readers, must get to a meeting, must make time for a bit of program work each day, because it doesn't work if you don't work it!!! lol.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Hi Miss, I know what you mean....I have the ability to fall off my program so quickly then can't figure out why I don't feel so emotionally wonderful. (((Hugs))) to you and keep coming back it works!
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Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Oh, I remember someone posted something like "when I am not working my program, I'm like, 'hey, you look like a really bad idea. Come on over here!'"
This is SOOOOOOOO true for me! I need my program, and I need to be active, not just going through the motions, but really active. t makes SUCH a HUGE difference for me!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
