Amy, I don't know. I don't know if such a time will come for my A either. In order to really care about other people, we need to be truly confident that we know how to care about ourselves and for many of the alcoholics and addicts that we love, that is an almost impossible concept. They might obsess about themselves and only think of themselves but it isn't care or love, it's denial and pretend and trying to cover up self-hatred. We can't fix that for them, we can only fix it in ourselves and most of us that have lived with alcoholism have been touched by it in some way and have some degree of the same afflictions. For example we think obsessively about our partners and what they think and say and do to US. It's contagious. We think we care only about them but we believe that by making them see things our way and do what we say, we are "caring" about them!

But what can happen is, there can come a time when you care first for what YOU care about and not what HE cares about, does that make sense?
Lots and lots and lots of al-anon has helped me move from thinking that I will only matter when HE decides I matter to a place where I just ...matter. Not because I found a way to make my partner "care" about me but just because, I have learnt that I matter and now I live accordingly.

As a by-product of learning to care about ourselves, our alcoholic loved ones often treat us with more courtesy and respect. We can't force them to care about themselves or anyone else but, we can show them how it is done and sometimes that makes a difference.

Also it sounds as if your partner is working a program and he's new to it so it's probably pretty normal for him to be at the extreme end of the selfishness scale right now; it might be all he can do to stay on program.

I invite you to throw yourself into al-anon and put yourself first for a while and leave him to work through whatever he is working through. Let's talk about you...while he is working his program and being all about him, what do you need? What do you want? What have you sacrificed while living with an alcoholic? What would you like to give back to yourself?

Also, welcome, and hugs to you!!!

It sounds as if you have a great grasp of the "situation". Good on you! Just soaking up the insight was the start for me too; I didn't necessarily understand it or feel it but I saw that it worked and I wanted it to work for me too, so I just started doing what was suggested to me by others in al-anon and after a while, it made sense and has become a way of life.

When I started I was isolated too. I don't know were "KS" is but I assume it's in America, maybe Kansas? I live in Australia...which is a long way from kansas...lol.
Either way, if it is difficult for you to get to face to face meetings, you might try the online meetings here at MIP, someone else might chime in shortly and tell you the correct time when they are held in your timezone. I believe they are held twice daily.

But if your partner is going to AA, there is a chance there is a f2f al-anon meeting about as well? Actually physically going to a meeting is a great way to solidify your commitment to your own well being.

Either way, you sound really positive and ready to embrace some changes and that is awesome. Yay for you!!!