The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading mentions that one sign of maturity is the ability to listen to and consider the opinions of others. This one resonates with me as although I have considered myself to be an openminded person, I also have had that deep down feeling that it was my viewpoint which was the correct one. Along with this way of thinking, in my case, largely because of my family, is the defect of interrupting others to 'share' my viewpoint. There is a sentence in the reading 'My opinions were inseparable from my self-image'. For me it was establishing my place (as youngest child) in a large family. Discussions at the dinner table were more often 'whoever is loudest wins' contests. I often couldn't compete with the volume level so instead would hone my opinions and my defect of sarcasm was born and nourished as well.
Going to meetings has been the best way to clear some of these defects out. Listening to others and not sitting in judgment. Going into a room with the idea 'I will learn something in the next hour'. Listening with detachment and accepting that someone else has the right to their own opinion--what a concept!
Today I will go into situations with an open mind and open ears. I don't have to insist (even to myself) that my opinions or beliefs are the correct ones.
Thank you all for being here! Have a great Tuesday.
Mary
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 21st of April 2015 10:44:56 AM
Thanks for this topic today, Mary. One of the biggest gifts that Al-Anon has given to me is the ability to express my opinion, without insisting that others agree and support me. Learning that I as well as others are not our opinions, was also very important. We could all listen with an open mind to each other, share our thoughts and not try to force others to agree. Attending meetings I learned that Al-Anon's calls this" unity in diversity". Tradition 4 explains it very well.
Before program , I always thought that in order to have unity,we had to all think the same. act the same , support the same political party, like the same people, etc. This is what I learned growing up. I was made an outsider in my family, if I did not agree with everything that was said and done and accused of disrupting the family unity.
What a gift it is to step into the world, understanding and accepting the principle of unity and diversity.
Thank you Al-Anon. Enjoy your Tuesday as well Mary.
Thanks for the post Mary! I'm the youngest in my family. I guess I know where some of the bullets came from. Talking instead of listening plagued me prior to entering The Program. I would even take it a step further and think while someone is talking. Thus, missing the message. Thinking about what to say next. I believe that comes from the fear I carried around. Wanting to be sure I said the right thing so I could gain others approval and acceptance. To fit it and people please. Selfish and dishonest behavoir on my part. Much less today, but I still find myself doing it. Atleast today, I aware of it and can work on it.
Today, I'm trying to learn to listen and then hopeful listen to learn.
Glad to read your responses, Betty and Mike. I was talking to my best friend about this this morning (she is also Alanon). WE grew up in similar, large, loud Italian families. She felt that she was not ever heard or acknowledged and as a result she clung to her first serious relationship with all her might (as did I), ignoring many many red flags along the way. I am learning, slowly but surely, to listen to others, say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean (or sarcastically--which is mean!)
Talking instead of listening plagued me prior to entering The Program. I would even take it a step further and think while someone is talking. Thus, missing the message. Thinking about what to say next. I believe that comes from the fear I carried around. Wanting to be sure I said the right thing so I could gain others approval and acceptance. To fit it and people please. Selfish and dishonest behavoir on my part. Much less today, but I still find myself doing it. Atleast today, I aware of it and can work on it.