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Well... Saturday was my birthday, but my company didn't help me out any. We had a major project going this weekend that had me up from friday night a 4am til saturday 9am. Needless to say, between the chaos here and work I was wasted.
She had said last week that she and the kids wanted to go out to eat on friday night and I could do whatever I wanted on Saturday for my birthday. She meant that to mean with her or not. (She was mad at me at the time.)
Well the diner went fine but she was a little distant. She didn't give me any static about work paging me right up until she went to bed. As a matter of fact when I went to bed she roused up and we didn't go back to sleep for another hour or so. We don't normally have an issue with that part of our lives.
So now it's saturday and I had told her I wanted to go to the comedy club here in town. We hadn't done that in a long time. She made little comments all day about how that's not her deal, but ok. By the time we were driving there she was complaining about everything including the fact that she couldn't smoke in there. Not fighting... just general mouthing.
I had every intention of going there and going home and enjoying the evening with my wife. She was angry because I didn't take this oportunity to take her to a bar. (What she wanted to do for my birthday) So that night was a bust, but I didn't argue with her I enjoyed the comics, and told her that, and thanked her for going with me.
So Sunday we were invited to go to my boss's house for a get together. She moped around all day up until going, but went and didn't drink. One of the things she complains about all the time is we have no friends. (She wants me to go fetch her some) I told her at least we have met some new people... can't make friends if you don't. She is just not impressed, and brings up the "why didn't we do anything else last night"? I asked her what she would like to have done? Dancing or to a sports bar.
I told her that I offered to take her to a dance hall where we knew there was some folks there we knew. She declined because she said I was too tired. She does that alot. Decline to do even what she wants to do because she has already decided the evening is a bust and it's my fault.
But I am not going to off the top of my head offer to take you to a bar I said. We need to figure out some other things that we like to do together. I didn't say it mean, but I had to say it. Taking her somewhere that everyone is getting drunk and acting a fool is just not enticing for me right now.
This is very confusing and hateful to her since she doesn't have a drinking problem...
So she didn't say much after that until later in the evening. She calmly said we should probably seperate since we are just so different now. I just couldn't find any emotion in myself over this. I told her she didn't have to leave to 'get her own space' or even to go out with her buddies.
Next weekend is my oldest son's 21st birthday. He can't wait to get smashed legally. I may have to just leave town for the weekend. <sigh>
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it is just such a re-run of every event lately. Her birthday, Christmas, New Years ...
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Holidays for us are generally like that. Our best bet sometimes is to make sure we have something planned for our enjoyment if possible and not rely on them.
Sounds like you did that in a few ways. It's not your fault that your trying things and she isn't receptive.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Oh boy I so know how you feel. I spent a bday not only dealing with but paying for my ex to get smashed. He was trashed by the time food came and then did shots as to not kill the buzz. Tried to pick up on the waitress who looked annoyed. Not as annoyed as me. I paid the tab of over $150 for his "brewery beer party". He screamed at me on the way home that I ruined his birthday by making him go home at 11pm. We had gotten there at 6! Made me drive him back to the bar and then when I was almost home called and asked me to come and get him cause he realized how much the beer cost there and he was done drinking...LOL! This was just one example of the drunken chaos I dealt with all through my marriage. It was always my fault he drank. He drank because I was no fun anymore. Whatever!
To me it just was not worth the effort. I would rather spend time alone or with my friends than deal with that crap.
Wow..don't they EVER allow us a good birthday?(good natured chuckle) This past birthday I was in the blues something deep. To make a long story short my A announced his apology(early in the morning) for forgetting my birthday;no present coming. After a day of work, he took the time to stop to drink with a buddy(this mind you,after he slurred something about not being able to wait to come home to celebrate my birthday..during the day on the phone). He came home,tipsy as mostly usual, plopped down a grocery bag with a $3.99 cake for my birthday and then right after that..two cases of beer for him. Last year it was a promise for a nice dinner and we ate bitter words, a fight that made no sense and the typical pass out. It wouldn't sting so much if it weren't for the fact that in 'normal world' he's one of the most generous folks a friend could ask for.
I'm not a materialistic lady.It's just amazing to me how selfish this sickness renders the very ones we love;in the oddest ways on the most inappropriate occasions.
HEY...happy belated birthday...and may your son be granted the wish for a little good sense for his 21rst. Thank you so much for sharing;you helped stop some tears tonight.
