Hello. I'm new in The Forum. I have been to several Al-Anon meetings. I have yet to get a sponsor. I have only spoken one time at a meeting. I'm having trouble participating and working the program. I want and need relief from so much and I can't seem to get myself to a starting point other than showing up each Saturday night. At times I'm ready to quit. But manage to drag myself back. 

I am 52 years old. I was born into the life of alcoholics. My father died from alcoholism. As did his brother. My mother was a very heavy drinker. She married a second time to another alcoholic. I married into an alcoholic family. My husband and grown son and daughter are alcoholics. I drink, but normally. I have never had help for anything in my life. I am still married to the same man for 33 years. The last eight years my life has taken on a turn to loneliness and isolation. My kids have chosen to no longer have anything to do with me. I am codependent on top of it all. I have monumental problems with resentment and bitterness towards myself and the alcoholics in my life. I'm ready to walk out on 33 years of marriage. Al-Anon says to wait a year or two to be sure. I'm sticking with that. I do feel though that if it's not going to work in 33 years, it's not ever going to work. I'm sad, depressed and can't shake the crap today. It's a cool and windy day. But the sun is quite nice and the grass here is finally green. A pretty day over all. But i'm not feelin so pretty inside. 

I've got God and myself as my HP's and three Al-Anon readers, all the slogans you could want and a book on codependency. Nothing is pulling me out of my funk today. Sorry for my pity party, but thank you for the vent. Have a wonderful weekend to anyone who has read this.