He called in sick AGAIN today! Please tell me everything you know about Detachment! - Al-Anon Family Group

Barbara · ~*Service Worker*~

He called in sick AGAIN today! Please tell me everything you know about Detachment!

sweetums · Veteran Member

You don't need to feel any sympathy, this is his decision to drink when he knows he has to work the next day.

You also don't need to let it ruin your day. You had things you had to do today, just go ahead and do them. When I start to obsess over an upset I try to just get busy and not meditate on it. I ask myself, "What would I have done today if everything has been fine?" and then do that. Just for today.

Maybe it won't fix the problem, but remember, this is one problem you cannot fix. No amount of nagging or punishing will change what has occurred.

I certainly understand your anger at him for being so careless. I hope you don't let it get in your way. He knows what he is doing is not right, if he doesn't then he will soon find out by facing the consequences naturally by himself. These things tend to take their own course with no interference from us. He will learn in his own time, hun.

When all else fails for me, I try to get out and be with some other people, and I soon feel a bit better for a time.

Jeannie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Barbara)))))

it is ok to feel annoyed about his irresponsibility. Just remember you are not the one who called in, he did. His job is his responsibility not yours. I know we all worry that they may lode it, or about the loss of a days pay, but there is nothing you can do about it. Go about your day the way you had planned.

love Jeannie

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Barbara, my detachment was the ultimate one; I divorced him! We are still together, but now the playing field is level. Diva

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

" He knows what he is doing is not right, if he doesn't then he will soon find out by facing the consequences naturally by himself."

I really needed to hear this very sentence at this very moment. I just got a call from my son and he proceeded to tell me that he got into a minor accident last night and got a dui citation. I think that it is time for me to make him move out of my house and take care of himself. It is probably going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. After his call I prayed to my HP for direction. I just kept hearing the words to make him move out. I am trying so hard to take care of myself and my own addiction (food) and cannot find healing while I am trying to take care of him and his addiction. Way to much stress for that!!!! I am going to practice detachment with love today. I am going to keep reminding myself that it needs to be done if there is a chance for him to recover. Also, my husband and I have plans to meet another couple for dinner tonight. My son called again to see if I could pick him up and give him a ride home (his car was impounded). I calmly said that I wasn't going home after work and that he would have to find another ride. I am not going to mess up my plans for today to go home and obsess over him.

Thanks for being here to get it off my chest!

lildee · Senior Member

Dearest Barbara,

Sorry for the pain you are going thru right now. The following website has a compilation of some of the best reads I have found on detachment.

http://eor.proboards23.com/index.cgi?board=Alanon&action=display&thread=1109713285

Enjoy & educate

Love & God Bless

lildee

Barbara · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

For me, I feel very sad for the A. They don't choose to have this disease, they
don't choose to drink on a worknight. They have a horrible "addiction" that
controls them.

I would not get mad at my husband if he had a low blood sugar attack the night before work
So I don't get mad when he is sick from a hang over.

I don't baby him, I just go on with taking care of me. He is a person who deserves
my respect even though it is horribly hard when teh disease makes him such
a horrible person.

I see a disease and I see my husband I adore inside me. My husband I married is dead. This
pod person is not him. It is easy for me to detach. painful though.

I feel horribly sad for him and me. He no longer has anything. I no longer have the
man I love.

So it is up to each of us to decide how we want to detach. I choose to do it with
love.

love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.