The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
it still aches but not as much as clinging to the rope and getting whiplashed. I seperated from my husband, though he did move back in a few times before finally moving to live above a bar. Sometimes we get along, sometimes we don't but overall he's still someone I call a friend. However, as as are loathe to do, boundaries are things to be bent as far as he is concerned, and its gotten to a point where I have to stop bailing him out with a place to stay when he's in need of family comfort. He will come for a week here and there, we do "family" then he goes and in truth in happier when he's gone. Just now I received a drunken phone call and from what I can gather he's been fired again. All I feel is sad. Like when you watch a person degenerate and know all the ins and outs, but are just completely powerless to change it, no matter how much you want to. I am really grateful to have my recovery though, and I know my hp has got me. It just sucks to watch it. But now we will have to move into a more formal arrangement with the kids. Bit nervous,but it needs doing. Thanks for listening
I could have written this about 2 and a half years ago. Then i was learning about enabling and i realised i was playing a part in his demise by offering him restbite from his consequences. So, then i put a stop to it and he fell further, everyone backed out of his life, because thats what happens when someone is constantly drunk, smelly, full to the brim of self pity, then after a couple of months of him having noone giving him much of anything, he went to aa and has been sober since. Me too, in the alanon sense of the word. I took charge of my life and concentrate on my recovery and we dont see each other anymore. The kids are back in his life, his other family, ie brother, sisters etc are all back in his life again and thats the power of his higher power and the proper consequences.
It is really a difficult thing to care for someone as much as letting them come in and out of your life. Physically and emotionally. We have this drive to care for the people we love.. and it is saddest when they choose to care most about themselves. We try to make a life with these people.. and in some way it makes sense. Yet we feel sadness. From what I've heard from my own partner, he feels sad too. He knows this isn't a relationship of mutual building or understanding or partnership... but some sick necessity. Something that just makes sense temporarily. It makes sense when things are good. But these sick people don't want to put in the effort with us when things are bad. They choose to be on their own and deal with things on their own. At our expense. It really is sad. I'm sorry. I don't know how to be healthy either. Someone I've been paying to talk to me directed me to alanon. And I now realize I'm kinda sick too, but I don't know what to do. Why am I okay with this. I do feel tho for you who have kids with these types of partners. It is really touching and emotional to read about your stories of what its actually like for you. Thank you for sharing.
Hi A41 I found that my understanding of the meaning of love had to change in order for me to understand detachment with love.
I learned that I could love someone, care for them and still nott rust them or be able to live with them I could show compassion for the person and treat them with courtesy and kindness without sleeping with them
The C2C reading for April 9 really clarified the words for me
