The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Realizing how many expectations I had about moving out. Moved myself and kids out Friday, AH didn't change his behavior the last weeks we were there, just mainly sulked and moped around. the expectations I had on this change included
1) me being happier/relieved - really not there yet, why did I think I would be? So many emotions - is that typical?
2) AH would show some remorse/emotion of his wife of 14 years leaving. There's been not a word about it, just texts on when he can see the kids. Do I mean that little to him? What have I been trying to hang onto?
3) friends would reach out/ support me -
im not regretting the decision as nothing was changing but yet it seems it would be easier sometimes to not have done this- when my son says he misses dad, asking when we're moving back, missing the time with them when they are with their dad, and worry about the longer visitation times with dad, fighting over visitation. just hanging on to hope that it will get better and easier with time.... Thanks for listening
I have to admit my first month in my new place without A was a rollercoaster, I was euphoric one minute and miserable and lonely and depressed the next. I think it's normal, a lot of bottled up stuff finally comes out when we feel safe, whether we like it or not. It improved!! Hang in there!
I was also surprised by A's nonchalant attitude, but I think since denial is such a big part of his survival skills, it stands to reason it would grow even stronger in times of emotional crisis for him, or that was what I figured was happening with him.
Be gentle with yourself, I found when I started getting into a "self care" routine (for me this was nightly bubble baths, getting a massage at the student clinic, making tme to read for fun, making time to walk the dog somewhere peaceful and relaxing for me each evening..) I started to feel better and my emotions started to balance out. It's been 2 months now and I feel happy, calm, I love the freedom of not living with A, it's wonderful. I believe it will improve vastly for you too, just take extra special care of you!! Treat yourself as you would treat another single mum who has just been through the same scenario..how would you treat her if she were staying with you? Patiently and kindly I bet.
(((Kerrymom)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I agree w missmeliss that after such a big decision, there is a roller coaster of feelings and emotions that comes along. I have been officially divorced for over a year, with my exAH out of the house for almost 2, and I still feel that way at times. Finding time to care for yourself, those routines as missmeliss wrote, comforts for you and TIME will all help settle things into place.
