The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Aside from learning to apply self-love, as a sick ACOA & codie which took me over 37 yrs to be ready & willing to understand & apply to me, truly everything happens in God’s time & there are no coincidences.
I have found nothing in this Program of spirituality has been more powerful than being able to apply forgiveness in my life.
I was married to my ex for 4 yrs, 2 mos… it took me 6 yrs to forgive him, truly, utterly & completely. I thought I had but deep within my subconscious I was blaming him for all of the abuse he inflicted upon me. I know he had wished he could kill me & told me so many times.
I was so grateful for my life, so grateful I ran away from him… terribly hurt that I could not recover any of my belongings. Yes, things are replaceable but my baby films all of the 8MM & the jewelry given to me by my aunts, mother & g/mother, those things were precious to my heart & are priceless.
This passed August I grew ill. I never ever get sick & I really didn’t have any symptoms… but absolutely no energy & running low fevers of 90*-93* for over 4 weeks. Even though I was sleeping 10-15 hrs a day, I did go to stay at my mother’s house w/ my cats & was bumming around w/ her running errands & sleeping. That was it. I got extremely scared to my core after a month of this, hardly wanting to eat or having the energy to drag myself to the car, to get some sun & air.
Never getting sick, after a month on this “non-illness” I was suffering from, I asked God “why, what is wrong with me?” HP sd, “you’re not resting” I sd back, “I am! I am hardly doing a thing & sleeping all the time.” God sd, “No. Mentally you are obsessing still.”
This is when I went to bed for 2 straight days. On the second day my awareness caught my mind saying “I do not forgive him (my ex husband, addict) for what he has done. This surprised me and I set out on my forgiveness work. Everything he kept from me I gave as a gift from my heart to his.
It took me another 2 days but then I was completely well.
At the end of all of this, I was free, I truly had forgiven him for every last thing he had done & everything of mine, he had taken from me.
After 5 weeks of being ill, 2 days once I forgave my ex, I was well. Amazing what forgiveness will do.
I spoke to my therapist about it & she told me that my holding resentment & anger against my ex was keeping God from working miracles in my life and that this ‘heat’ of mine was keeping “the wrath of God” she called it but I knew she meant the ‘karma’ of God to work on him.
I was protecting him & hurting myself.
Truly forgiveness is the greatest thing any of us can do, for ourselves & each other.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
You are really an inspiration. I am really struggling with the forgiveness. Feeling that if only he would try harder.. Angry that he wont try harder, Angry at myself for allowing him to treat me this way, angry at myself for not having the courage to STAND up and say NO MORE..
Forgiveness, it is HUGE forgiveness for the alcoholic and forgiveness for ME..
