The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My alcoholic husband was actually doing okay for a couple of weeks. He was drinking, but he was not drunk or rude to me. Of course I could see the small changes last night and the cycle starting all over again. He must have been sitting in a bar for awhile yesterday while I was working. He's still laid off and still does nothing.
First of all, he was upset because I didn't answer my phone yesterday while I was on my way home. I told him I was driving and didn't want to cause an accident. I told him when I would be home before I left for the day. If he paid attention, he would remember that. Anyway, we got past that and no argument happened.
Then after awhile I told him I was going to work out and he said he would like a relaxing evening with his wife. I said that would be fine and I could do that. I skipped my workout and he proceeded to play video poker for the next couple of hours. I told him I would go work out if he was going to play poker. (Another of his addictions is gambling, but since we have our accounts separate I have no idea how much he actually spends on that). He stopped then.
This doesn't sound like much, I know, but I do have high expectations and I feel like I have the right to expecta certain kind of behavior from someone, especially if they are going to tell me one thing and then do another.
Of course he's drinking beer all evening and then he started to make fun of me for wanting to drink a Pepsi! He has a way of making me feel dorky and childish and I don't know why he does that and why I let myself feel that way. We didn't argue, but I know by these little hints of cut downs that the cycle is about to change again.
I think part of the problem is the lady that lives next door. I've decided to not make a big deal about what happened with her a couple of weeks ago. She has been sickeningly sweet to me and I've let go of the anger about that bad night. She came over yesterday and of course she drinks beer with my husband so he feels more relaxed around her. I think he sees her as either more fun or less dorky than me or whatever. I find it very annoying. I told him if I drank as much beer as him or as she does, I would weigh about 300 pounds! Then he would make fun of me for being fat! It's like he always has to have something to make fun of me for. I take dance lessons and he makes fun of me for that, but I don't let that stop me from practicing in our kitchen.
Anyway, I know I don't have the problems that some on here have and I feel guilty about even being on here sometimes, but this is the only place I can vent. I feel bad for those that are having money problems, having to deal with court issues and domestic violence. I know I'm lucky that I have my own money and there has been no hitting in my house. Thanks for letting me vent.
That is tough. I admire you for being able to let go of the neighbor issue to the extent that you have. You seem to be doing what is good for you, and not being pressured into drinking when you don't want to. He just doesn't like that he has to realize that he is drinking a lot when you are not joining him. Keep doing what is good for you. I know the frustration of realizing a new cycle is starting, but try to just deal with what is going on THIS MINUTE. That's all you can do. ((((((Lindy)))))))).
-Rachel
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**Everyone is doing the best they can from day to day**
Give yourself a break and keep up your own activities, walk away from him and try not to react to his nasty barbs. I bet you are really enjoying your dancing and it makes you feel special so keep it up. You don't have a problem Lindy and maybe you could give your husband a boundary that if he wants to drink with the neighbour he does it in her home not yours. You have rights also. Luv Leo xx
Linday, is there some way you can honor yourself? His behavior reminds me in general a's put down others because their opinion of themselves is so low. By tearing down those around them, they take the focus off their own shortcomings. That doesn't have anything to do with us, though. We are still deserving respect. We have to give it to ourselves (it's our job anyway). We can't wait for them - it usually doesn't come. Give yourself credit. --- Jill
Lindy I am sorry to hear of isolation and dismissal and what I call wedging that is trying to make you feel isolated by bringing in another. My boyfriend does that often. I am so so so tired of it.
I do try to get out but I also understand that at times we all want to be at home. I long for peace and serenity and a sense of trust. I have none of that with an A and probably never will have as long as he uses which in his case will be till he dies.
I think I am in total acceptance now that he is an A and I am not going to change him that feel s better than fighting it. I do not think there is a hierachy here of suffering. I think living with any active A is a suffering because it is very difficult to watch and be around someone destroying themselves. I know I am very very weary of it. Maresie.
